A Beautiful Journey

Blessings

2012-01-13T20:42:00.004-06:00

Every February my mother, sister, and I attend a Women's Conference called Feminar in a town nearby. Each year there are 2-3 women speakers (well-known) and an awesome worship leader who come to lead the event.

Last year Laura Story was the worship leader and it was there that we first heard her song Blessings. She has her own testimony as to where the song derived from, but today i'm going to share our families testimony. Never did we know that weekend how much it would mean to our family.

After Feminar was over, every single time mom got in the car that song would come on the radio. It became a joke between Mom, Casie, and I because we heard it so often. Mom made this comment one time, "I'm not sure why I need this song, but apparently i'm suppose to hear it and will need the message in the future."

Fast-Forward eight months...

My brother's wife filed for divorce, packed up her things, and left. He was completely blindsided and wasn't sure what to do. Depression set in and he felt there was no reason to live anymore.

As he was driving to work one morning, his mind started drifting off to taking his own life. I could pull out infront of this desiel. It would be over real quick and I would never feel it. I could go to heaven and never feel this pain anymore.

Many people could hear the same song on the radio at the exact same time each day and see it as coincidence or even annoying. My mother chose to believe it was more than that. The song that my mother heard every single day would be the very song that the Lord chose to lift the depression and heal her son.

As my brothers thoughts drifted over, the song Blessings by Laura Story came on the radio. My brother shared that he cried "good tears"with a smile on his face and thanked Jesus when the song was over. The next morning when he woke up he claimed that he had a completely different attitude. He knew the Lord was with him and would take care of him.

What's awesome - the story doesn't end there!!!

I didn't realize that I was one of few people who knew this story. At the time I first heard it I didn't feel it was the right time to tell my mom; She would worry herself, so I chose not to tell her.

On Thursday of the present week, Mom, Dad, and Brandon drove down to Crockett to attend his final court hearing. It was official, he was now a divorced man; Something we never thought would happen to our family.

As they were driving, the song Blessings came on the radio. Mom turned around to Brandon to get his attention when the song came on (not knowing what the song meant to him). He hadn't heard it in months, but as he sat and listened he fought back tears for the first half of the song. When he got his composure he told mom and dad that he had a story to tell them about that song.

He then began to tell them about his depression and how the Lord had used this song to bless his life. As you can imagine, they were all crying at this point.

With tears in her eyes mom said, "What a blessing! God is reminding you that He was there in your depression and he is still here with you today as the divorce is final."

It's been an emotional season for us as a family, but it's been such a blessing as well. The prayers, the friends who have payed bills and bought groceries, and the many other people who have stepped up in other ways mean the world to us!

But most of all, we thank God! He is good! How neat that He placed this song in mom's life, and used it in Brandon's. We truly did not know months ago how much it would mean to our family.

We are so blessed - even in the rain and tears!

Praise the Lord!

Back To School - Winter

2012-01-02T18:28:00.003-06:00

Well, it was back-to-school today for me.

Definitely wasn't singing joy to the world like I was when I was leaving for the break two weeks ago.

Students don't come back until tomorrow so we got a full work-day in our classrooms.... which is always very much appreciated by this chick! For some reason, I still felt very scattered even after such an awesome break. As soon as I stepped foot into my classroom all of the stress immediately came back.

I cannot express how much that bothers me.

Throughout my day I stopped and prayed at different times... Lord, lead me. guide me. comfort me. be my passion again in this place.

I truly believe if it were always happy and dandy then my pursuit of the Lord wouldn't be as intense... so I press on.

If you want to add a something to your prayer list, you can be praying for direction next year. I'm just not real sure if i'm supposed to stay put. It's been on my mind for months, but I need guidance and discernment to know if i'm suppose to move and where. If you wouldn't mind, i'd appreciate your prayers! :)

On another note, I started training for a half-marathon in March. Hope to keep you updated on that process here as well. Two of my friends, Mary and Erin, are going to join me! Any of my hometown friends, feel free to join us as well!!

Alright, i'm exhausted! Short and Sweet - Have a fabulous day!!

Merry Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T16:56:00.004-06:00

If you've been wondering where I have been lately.... I've spent a lot of time updating my photography blog the past few days.

There isn't much time to keep my posts regular when i'm working so i've tried to play catch up a little on that blog over the break.

Just incase this is news to you, I decided to start documenting my journey (more like - hobby) as a "photographer" since it's picked up a little here lately. The posts are, for the most part, in the order that i've taken them; From way back in 2008-ish to the present (except i'm way behind so not that actual present). I share my initial photos and how I got interested into photography to begin with. (You can click on those words to take you directly to the link)

So if you haven't had a chance to check it out and you are completely bored out of your mind, you should stop by!!

Merry Christmas Eve!!!!

May the weary world rejoice as we celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.... Jesus Christ.

Silence.

2011-12-07T17:10:00.002-06:00

There are two devotional books that I thoroughly enjoy and often repeat over many times.

You Are My Hiding Place, Lord by Emilie Barnes and the Journey catalogs that I get through my sunday school class each month.

One of my all-time favorite quotes comes from Emilie. You will have to read on to see it... although, I have posted it before. Possibly more than once.

As I was reading a few days ago this one entry in the Journey magazine stuck out to me.

Priscilla was speaking about silence. You know the good ole silence that often makes you cry out even harder because you are desperate for an answer.

She says, He is not only the God who makes the walls of our Jerichos fall down. Although, He is more than able to intervene, sometimes He shows His glory, demonstrates His power, and strengthens His children by His silence.

She then went on to share the story in Matthew where the Canaanite woman called out to Jesus as He and His disciples were taveling. She was begging Jesus to have mercy on her daughter who was "cruelly tormented by a demon" (Mt 15:22). Jesus didn't say a word to her.

silence.

Instead of giving up or retrieving back, this same woman continued to beg Him for help. If you read the story she begs not only once, but over and over and over until she receives a response.

the silence broken.

The sentence that caught me off guard in this devotional is when Priscilla pointed out that "when the woman received no response, she bowed lower to the ground." She continued to humble herself, knowing that she could not do it on her own, and persisted in her request.

God's silence increased the intensity of her pursuit. (Priscilla)

This caused me to pause and reflect on my own life. When I don't hear a response or am going through a season of silence, do I give up my pursuit or do I bow lower to the ground and pour out my heart?

I'm sure there have been times in my life where it's been both of those answers. But here lately the latter is true....

When a thorn is present in your life and the God of all chooses not to remove it for the time being, this often causes you to bow so very low to the ground. In my own life i've noticed how this silence can be very frustrating, but how it keeps me coming back and pouring out so many genuine prayers/requests to the Lord.

intensity.

So I would have to agree with Priscilla, "sometimes He shows His glory, demonstrates His power, and strengthens His children by His silence."

Don't give up your pursuit if you haven't heard a clear answer yet. Choose today to believe that He is doing something even in the midst of silence.
Bow lower friend.

And for the quote that I mentioned earlier -

A godly woman is one who possesses inner tranquility; she doesn't have to prove herself to anyone. She is strong, yet doesn't use her strength to control or dominate; nor does she depend on recognition from others. Hers is an inner contentment and satisfaction based not on accomplishments, position, or authority, but on a deep awareness of Gods eternal, personal love for her. (emilie barnes)

I truly believe that last statement changes everything.... when you are aware of how much God loves you and that it's eternal and personal (not just knowing about it or hearing about it, but truly being AWARE of it) it affects every area of your life. The insecurity fades away. The strivings cease. I desire to live in that place of inner tranquility with Jesus Christ daily.

I want you, Jesus. I want you so very deeply.

In All Circumstances, At All Times

2011-11-25T21:00:00.002-06:00

It's been a while since i've posted anything school-related here in blogland. In complete honesty, it's been a very stressful, not so fun year.

That doesn't mean that it's been all bad, nor does it mean that nothing good is happening in my classroom. It just means that it's been hard. challenging. stressful. and a lot more things of which I can't go into detail.

My brother has been spending a lot of time at home here lately. He is in the process of interviewing for different jobs and waiting for guidance as to where to go next.

Thanksgiving night we were all sitting in the living room discussing his current job. He works at Sears in a mall quite a few miles from where he actually lives. This is his first year in retail during the holidays. He has mentioned many times that he isn't sure he is going to be able to spend Christmas with us... and that just breaks my heart (for him).

If you are close to us at all and know what he is currently going through, then you understand how very hard his first christmas alone might be. I just want him to be near people who can shower him with love.

As I sat and listened (with my very over-analytical brain) and thought through what he must be feeling, I began to realize how very blessed I am despite the struggles at my school.

Now that doesn't mean my brother is not blessed.... the Lord is completley in charge of the time-table of each of our lives and i'm positive He is up to something far bigger than we can envision or imagine.

It's just one thing to hear about strangers who don't have jobs and are struggling to make it, but when it's a sibling whom you care about deeply it hits a little closer to home.

Although Thanksgiving is over, we are called to "give thanks in all circumstances" and at all times... so I want to say thank you, Lord, for my job. Thank you for allowing me to know the hours of my day and the schedule for my year. Thank you for giving the priviledge of leading young children. Thank you for a job that allows me to get up, move, communicate, and invest into other peoples lives. And I thank you even in the challenges... because without them, I would not grow.

I. am. blessed.

You are good, Lord God.

MK Photography

2011-11-22T22:56:00.002-06:00

If you've been keeping up with my posts lately, you've seen quite a few photoshoots. After officially setting up my account with a photography website tonight so that I can print and keep up with things, I figured it was time to start a blog that could hold my pictures.

I'm not sure if i've ever told my story of how I got into photography. If you haven't heard it, click on over to my new blog to see my introduction on the sidebar, as well as, my first post.

It's a little boring at the moment... i'm in the process of making it look a little more inviting!! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Megan Kilgore Photography

The Shirley Family - Photoshoot

2011-11-15T20:55:00.002-06:00

When I edit pictures I never fully feel done. There are always random ideas that i'll get on different nights. Nevertheless, here are my favorite five from The Shirley Family!

You know i'm crazy about random cut-off pictures! :)

Shirley's - I truly hope you enjoy your pictures as that is always my desire when capturing families! Love you guys and enjoy every minute that we get to see each other! I'll always be grateful that you guys allowed me to practice and learn with your family!

Sneak Peek - Family

2011-11-14T22:36:00.001-06:00

Here is a lil' sneak peek into my time with The Shirley Family!

Love the Fall colors!

Maternity Photoshoot - Kayla

2011-11-06T08:17:00.000-06:00

Here are my top ten... okay, maybe there are eleven, I lost count... favorites from my shoot with Kayla! I'll even include why they are my favorites just for a lil' commentary as you read! :)

I like this one just because that door is ten kinds of yummy and her nuetral outfit looks fab with it! It looks comfortable to me!

See... here is the full view of the door. Neat-oh right?!

This is one of my favorites!!! I love, love, love it!

Of course, we had to try some pictures with blocks!

I like her head tilt, smile, and the fact that she is holding Laney in this one!!

Tiny Toms :)

This is another one of my all-time favorites because of the beautiful colors!! That blue is GORGEOUS and she just looks natural standing there!!

Cool angle.

...another smile here!! Probably talking about how she is horrible at taking photos.... lies.

And her precious, precious belly!

Kayla, thanks for letting me practice with you and hopefully capture some moments that you'll want to keep forever! I love you tons!!

The Perfect Match - Are You Ready For This?

2011-11-05T16:08:00.005-05:00

If you live in the East Texas area i'm sure you have heard the story about Charley Rae, the toddler who went through surgery to have a non-functioning kidney removed last year and in the process lost both kidneys. If you haven't heard and would like to read the story, click here.

They have been looking for a donor since they found out the news after surgery and well, the time has come.

Monday, my very brave and selfless friend, Jessica, is donating her kidney to precious Charley Rae. I can't even express to you how much I admire Jess for such a noble task.

For months we have talked about how it's coming up and happening, but it's so strange for it actually to be here. When I heard the news I immediately texted her and said, "Are you ready for this?"

Like any normal person Jess is pretty nervous, but so very ready. Once again, I just can't express how blessed I am to call her friend and how much I admire her.

As I left her house my mind drifted off to many thoughts about this concious decision that Jessica was making; donating an organ to save a life. A perfectly healthy individual who has no problems, giving a piece of her life for another.

My thoughts then flashed over to my Savior. A perfect individual who gave not a piece, but His life to save others.

Can you imagine God sitting there with His Son, asking, "Well, it's here. Now's the time! Are you ready for this?" as Jesus prepared to give up his life to save the world.

The perfect match. The Donor.

I think forward to the day whenever Charley really understands what her friend, Jessi, did for her. When they can look each other in the face and just relive such a sweet season of their life. Oh the gratitude.

And I think forward to the day when we truly understand what our Savior, Jesus, did for us. When we will look each other in the face and give him the thanks and glory that is truly due His Holy Name.

The Donor. All glory to You, Jesus.

If you would like to support Jess and Charley, many people are declaring Monday their day and wearing purple so that they can intentionally pray for them all throughout the day. I know they would both be forever grateful for your thoughts and prayers.

Jessica, I love you and admire you, sister. I know that you don't want any praise and have given God the glory through out this entire situation, but I want you to know how much an impact you are making in this small town. There is no doubt that He is using this for His glory. You are such a brave, selfless person and I am blessed to call you friend! You can use my fridge to hold your jug anyday :) !!!

Sneak Peek - Maternity Edition

2011-10-31T21:52:00.008-05:00

I'm in the process of editing maternity pictures of my gorgeous, pregnant friend Kayla! She won't agree with me on this, but she is seriously one of the prettiest people i've met! I just love her!

It is taking me a while to edit all her pictures, not because there are really that many, simply because life could not be any busier right now! This might work out to her benefit though because the more I sit and look, the more ideas I get and changes I make to the pictures!

So... I leave you tonight with a little Sneak Peek into our photoshoot together! This picture doesn't do justice to her cute lil' belly! The rest of the pictures show off Lil' Miss Laney Jewel!! Guess you'll just have to come back and see the rest later!!

Isn't she just beautiful?!

Love you sister!!! :)

Carter Ray - Photo Shoot

2011-10-25T22:00:00.004-05:00

Had my first little "session" with a soon to be two year old today!

Below are my favorites!!

This next one is def in the top 3!

And peace out.

No Pun Intended

2011-10-18T18:15:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since i've posted, but i'm making time tonight because.... well, just because.

My students finally reached ten compliments today! It only took us, what, nine weeks?! Three of the points were earned today within 3 minutes of each other. Hmm... oooooh what happens when you actually work towards a goal!

A prize is always given when you reach ten compliments! Then, of course, we start over to receive some more! So, with all of that said... we had a good ole stinkin' time this afternoon! ;)

I'm not sure why it's such a thrill to take off your shoes at school, but they absolutely love it! The scentsy was packed full of some yummy-ness before one sneaker was allowed to come off because hello.... feet.

My to do list is quite full so i'm going to cut this short tonight, but before I go I'm going to admit that I need some prayers. Life is going 90 to nothing it feels like and the negativity of school (plus stress from being pulled in one million directions) has taken over. I would truly appreciate any prayers for this school year and all the many other activities God has placed in my life currently (plus an unspoken). You might as well throw in my future husband because he clearly aint in a hurry (kidding)!

Hope you are well!! Love.

Jordan - Casie Engagement

2011-10-02T21:38:00.006-05:00

Alrighty people! In my last post I promised to post my favorites from my photoshoot with my sister and her fiance! So i've thought... and here they are! We started out at Jordan's parents house. They have quite a bit of land, a pond, hay bells, and the old truck (pictured above) that Casie and jordan went to prom in their Senior Year. Have I mentioned they are High School Sweethearts? That is very sweet, if you ask me. Then, we moved downtown to use some of the old walls...

We only had an hour to shoot so we did the best we could! It was truly a blast! Really think it helped that we are all so very close to begin with. I know it helped this very ameteur photographer feel comfortable behind the camera.... especially trying lots of new ideas!
Casie and Jordan, thank you for allowing me to capture some very sweet moments with you guys! I know I say it alot (possibly still not enough) but I love both of you and am so blessed to have you guys in my life! The evening was so much fun (and great practice) and you were both way more fabulous than you acted like you'd be! :) Love you so so so very much!

Sneak Peek

2011-10-02T14:51:00.002-05:00

Yesterday evening was packed full of celebrations!

My best friend from high school, Mary, moved back home a few weeks ago from Philadelphia and her wedding is getting very close. Now that she is back in town we finally got to have her engagement party. So glad she is back!

My lovely bff, Kayla, found out the sex of the "golden nugget" at her reveal party last night! That was a very neat thing to experience! When the pinada was busted pink confetti went everywhere! So sweet!

Jordan came in town for Casie's birthday and they let me practice taking engagement pictures on them! We had so much fun! It really helped that we are all three already so very close and comfortable with each other! I'll post my favorites later.... I have to think for a few days before I decide which ones to post so that I don't overload you! For now you'll just have to enjoy the sneak peek picture above!!! :)

Have a great, restful day!

Increasing Faith, Part Two

2011-09-22T20:35:00.002-05:00

Before school began I posted an entry on how this year was definitely going to be one that increased faith.

Our class rosters were over-flowing; over the legal state max number of students per teacher.

Three weeks into school the Lord took care of that and it has been so much better since.

Still.... this is a year of increasing faith.

I wish that I could share details of why, but i'm not allowed to. There is more than one reason and believe me when I say, it's been a challenge and will continue.

But without a challenge there is no growth! And, as it turns out, I actually like a challenge!

My soveriegn God hand-chose each of these children that are in my classroom this year. I know it's not a mistake or coincedence.

When you visit our classrooms you will clearly see that they are lopsided.... once again, can't share how or why, but i'm the end of the balance that is on the floor. for lots of reasons.

I believe in them and I choose to push them farther than anyone would ever imagine we could go this year! :) They've already surprised me!

(They make me want to pull my hair out. They make me laugh my head off. They make me close my eyes and breathe. They remind me that this is exactly where I am supposed to be.)

This journey that i am on is so not about the teaching... it's building character, it's preparing me for the future, and it's increasing faith.

May my actions and words reflect Him, therefore, to point others to Him.

Will you join me as I pray over my students this year and beg God for wisdom as I lead them? I am nothing, without Him. And to God be the glory!

School Daze

2011-09-08T20:40:00.002-05:00

I realize I haven't posted a single sentence since school began. It's been a crazy couple (or triple) of weeks. Sometimes it's hard to blog about my job because so much of it is bound by confidentiality laws and such.

Just know that I appreciate your prayers. More than I could ever express.

There ended up being 27 students on my roster. Only 25 of them showed up. It's now three weeks into the school year and we have a new first grade teacher joining our campus to even out the class sizes and take some of the load off.

I knew that it was taking a lot out of me with that many children in my room, but I hadn't realized how stressed I was about it. When I heard the official news a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

It wasn't easy getting rid of the kids though... it's bittersweet.

You don't realize how fast you get attached.

On the other hand, i'm glad to finally get to write names on desks, cubbies, and give assigned seats on the carpet. There are lots of little things (and big, I guess) that you can't do until your class is finalized.

I'm so ready!!! :)

I'm begging the Lord for wisdom and guidance when it comes to organization and time management in my classroom. I've probably mentioned that before, but i'm saying it again. There has to be a way to get everything done so that i'm happy and parents are happy and adminstrators are happy and children are happy... and having fun! :)

There is lots more on my heart, but don't feel obligated to share at the moment. Please pray.

Thanks so much. Love you all.

KJ Photoshoot

2011-09-03T20:12:00.009-05:00

My precious friend, Katy, gave me permission to post some of my favorites for our photoshoot on their date night! I had a really hard time deciding on my favorites; the first go round had like 25 photos on the list. I knew you wouldn't want to sit through a post with that many pictures so I tried to narrow it down a little bit. As it turns out, most of the ones that made the cut are from our very first stop. Katy wanted to go back to the place where Jeremy proposed! :) So sweet!I'm crazy about this red door and the million steps. Definitely want to go back there when I can think of some more ideas and have more time! Jeremy acted like he wasn't photogenic, but as you can tell in the photos he did great!!! When I got to their house, Katy said we needed a purpose before we headed out to take pictures. Her purpose - to capture them.

I like to think we did just that!!

Katy is just so bubbly and happy!

And the love they have for each other is so obvious!

I love this next photo... everything about it. The heads tilted towards each other. The naturalness of it. Their smiles. The red, green, white, tan, black. mm. mm.
And here is the same photo in black and white, zoomed out.

Moving on to the next spot...Katy loved this wall so we got a few shots there. This was my favorite!

And lastly, I wish I could take credit for the chalkboard idea, but that was allll Katy. It turned out cute and I can't wait to find more opportunities to use it!
Katy, I love you so much sweet friend and had a great time taking pictures of you guys! You are a true friend and great encouragement to me! Thanks for the opportunity to practice and learn a few things as well. Can't wait for many more chances to "capture moments" together!

Feet Fotos

2011-09-03T16:47:00.003-05:00

Not sure why i'm into the "feet photos" that photographers have been taking here lately, but for some reason I love them!

Maybe it's the unexpected, creativeness of them!

Whatever it is, I adore them!

All of these cute feet (I guess technically you should say lower bodies/legs) are of my friend Katy and her husband!

She contacted me Friday afternoon asking me to come take some pictures of them for about thirty minutes during their date-night! I don't consider myself a "real" photographer and really don't have much practice, but it's definitely a hobby so I was thrilled to go!

More to come later....

and don't worry, they won't be feet!
There will actually be faces :)

Increasing Faith

2011-08-16T19:33:00.002-05:00

Well, inservice began on Monday for teachers in our district. (tear) Thankfully we have a full week to let our bodies adjust to getting up early again before students come back. And when I say thankfully, I mean, this chick is THANK.FUL.

It's very easy to get stressed out during this first week leading up to the beginning of school. Some of the stress is obvious and expected, but other parts seem to come no matter how hard you try not to let it. The many meetings cause your brain to go into overload mode and inevitably you stress out... or in my case, quite possibly have a mini-anixety attack.

I jokingly have been saying, "Welcome to my new normal" each time that my heart flutters and I feel my jaw tingle. Not sure why it's hit me all of a sudden, but the doctor (and the test results) assure me that it's nothing to worry about! :)

Not sure what the Lord's up to, but i'm totally having to increase my faith this year.

In our meetings they always give us the big spill about loving our kids, forming relationships with our kids, knowing that all kids won't progress at the same rate, doing our very best to help each child succeed no matter how small and...... not to stress or worry about the BIG TEST at the end of the year, but to focus on the CHILD.

In the next meeting they tell us news that seems to counteract what they just said.

We were just told not to worry about the BIG TEST, but to focus on the important skills to be mastered and to teach each child at the rate that we see needs to be taught. Yet when our principal comes in to observe us and basically "grade" us as a teacher so that we know where we need to work, in the future the results our the BIG TEST will affect every teacher on our campus and factor into our "grade".

As a First Grade teacher I immediately thought "how unfair".... I don't even teach a grade level that takes a BIG TEST, but yet the results of those kids will affect my teaching grade for the year.

It's not only easy to stress out, but it's also easy to become negative.

I'm begging the Lord to interrupt me when my actions, words, or thoughts do not reflect Him or benefit me or those around me.

When there is a problem I want to find a solution instead of fuss.
When there is stress I want to increase faith instead of freak out.

So, literally, as i'm sitting in this meeting my thoughts are interrupted. If I believe my God is a soveriegn God then I have to choose to believe that no matter what my score ends up being (no matter how low), He is going to take care of me. If I move to another school and yes, they see my previous scores, I must choose to believe that my In-Control-God will provide a way to get me hired if that's where He wants me.

We live in a world where numbers and competition matter, but my God is God over the competition and the numbers. So who cares that other teachers and their students results affect my score. He promises to work things out for my good and tells me not to worry about the rest.

There's more....

As I was leaving the school this evening I was fighting tears. There are currently 25 children in my classroom. Yes, that's above the state max. And since we let go of all the intervention and extra positions i'm not just "teacher".... I have to tackle a lot of things on my own. If I listed it for you, you would probably feel my stress and see why it's a bit overwhelming. I just try not to think about it to be honest.

Again, I'm learning to increase faith.

I must choose to believe that He is God and soveriegn even over this....

In the meantime, I would so appreciate your prayers! I am nothing without Him. I can do nothing in my classroom without Him. I beg Him daily for wisdom, guidance, passion and so much more for the following year.

My prayer is also to truly invest in my children, forgetting about the teachers and their students around me and if my class average is as high as theirs, but instead meeting my kids needs.... I need an outsiders eye with my insider job.

Love you all...

In Jesus' specific, powerful name.

Put a Ring On It

2011-08-01T16:33:00.005-05:00

We just got home from a weekend in Mississippi! My Grandparents (dad's side) and the rest of dad's siblings live there. When we were growing up, we always took a song to sing at their church each time that we visited (twice a year). When we got in high school we stopped with that tradition for some reason. Not sure if you would call it a tradition, but you catch my drift. A few months ago they asked us if we would come and give a concert for their Fifth Sunday Sing. We packed up all our sound equipment, grabbed Jordan (sisters boyfriend) to go along and run the sound, plus a China and headed over.

It was very neat to sing for their church again all these years later! It was a special blessing because a lot (and I mean a lot) of our family was able to be there which doesn't happen often. We were very thankful for the opportunity and enjoyed every second of it. And since dad has a rule that we can't bring our girlfriend or boyfriend to Mississippi with us unless we are engaged or married....

Jordan popped the question! Eek Eek Eek!!! :)

No really, the real story!

Jordan was very sweet! He took our parents to eat and asked if he could marry their daughter because he just couldn't imagine life without her!

Casie and I have talked before... she was aware that he was the one and even told me about how they looked at rings! We even made predictions last Christmas about who each other was going to marry! My prediction was DEAD on!! :) I couldn't be happier for my beautiful sister! And Jordan, well it's about time he joined the family - feels like he already fits in!! I couldn't pick a better person for her to share life with!

Of course, we were all in on the secret except Casie. The plan was to go to the beach on Saturday to "lay out" and then Jordan would pop the question. I'm always down for soakin' up some sun, so I agreed to go bake with the ring hidden in my camera bag so that I could capture the moment! :)

You would have thought the ice cream truck man with his creepy music was part of the plan because his music annoyed Jordan to the point that he decided to go for a walk. Which was my cue.

When they got a good distance away I got the video camera ready and waited patiently. Okay, not patiently.... totally ansy! When they got back in front of me Jordan told Casie that he needed to tell her something. He said lots of sweet, gooey words and then got down on his knee. Just in case you do get to watch the video of the actual engagement, I apologize before hand for the shaky-ness. I was crying and shakin' and squealin like a crazy girl!! It was a very sweet moment!

I love this picture because she just looks like she is beaming showing mom and dad the ring!!!

Congratulations Casie and Jordan!!!
I love you both very much!

Hope in God

2011-07-25T23:02:00.003-05:00

Not sure what is up lately, but I have been in a funk.

One of those, can't put your finger on it, funks.

Truly truly have no idea what's up. There is no stress of work. There is no stress really at all!!! Yet i'm having this ongoing panic/anxiety attack that's been going on for weeks now. Mom had to beat it into my thick head that it was simply an anxiety attack and nothing that I needed to freak out about.... easier said than done.

I've fallen on the floor many times simply because I felt like I needed to release some tears, but yet not sure what for or why.

As my funk seemed to hit a peak last night I remembered my pastors words from that morning, "Sit in silence before the Lord. If you wait there long enough, He will show up."

So... cute and obedient me.... I did.

I sat there.
Tears pouring out of somewhere.
And as I sat it was as if He was saying, "I get it, Megan. I get it."
Which caused more tears.

A friend popped up on my screen to chat and we unloaded ha. Both. Of. Us.

She listened to me. I listened to her. She offered advice. I offered advice.

When I was trying to find and give her some godly, biblical advice I typed in the words God is good. And again the tears just started to well up in my eyes. Even in that moment of hurt and confusion, over i'm not sure what, my soul was clinging to this hope that God is good.

Something about those words.... God is good.... just lit up my soul.

I know that my identity is to be found in Christ and Christ alone. And my heart and soul longs to constantly live in that place where if everything else in life were stripped away, i'm just as content because Jesus is my everything.

I also know that He is faithful. He's proven faithful many many times in the past. Enough to push me forward and trust that I will stand with arms lifted high... Praise the Lord.

As I was reading tonight (and yes, crying, yet again) these words brought a lot of comfort :

Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him....
Psalm 42:11

So although I can't fully pin-point my current funk, I find peace and hope. And I continue to speak the hope-giving words:

Jesus is still the same. And God is good.

Do you have a verse or some godly quote that brings hope to your soul even in the darkest times?

The Post You May Not Want To Read

2011-07-18T11:36:00.005-05:00

James 3:3-10 says there is life and death in the tongue. A harsh thought to think on.

"So Megan, when are you going to find Mr. Right?"

Hands down, my favorite question to be asked. Not. If I had a dollar for everytime.... i'd buy me a lexus.

It's just that people ask that question as if i'm nothing single. They ask it as if my highest calling is to find Mr. Right.

Now, I know they don't mean it that way and I know that God created us as relational beings and... yada yada. That's not new information. It's just that, if anyone wants a husband just as much as every other girl... hello, it's me. And everytime I get asked that question it takes a little more faith.

Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavently realms. Ephesians 6:12

With each curious person digging into my dating life it's as if a bell dings inside that says - You are worthless alone. Heck, let's highlight the fact that you are, indeed, alone. Everyone else is all happy and junk, two whole stages ahead of you and here you are alone not getting any younger and somehow just not measuring up because you haven't found him. Yeah, yeah, God's timing is perfect and let's keep on trusting, but maybe you just let the good ones get by you. Maybe you're too picky.

Let me pause for a moment to say that - no, not everyday is like this. The days really and truly are fewer and less, but there are moments when they come that it's really hard. Especially when people throw out comments somehow meant to "help".

I learned a long time ago not to take it personal or to get upset with the person trying to encourage or simply have a conversation. And to take each "pity party" as a chance to cling harder to Jesus. My identity is found in Him, not my dating status.

The reality is.... there are times when I have to fight not to view myself as less..... not good enough... not as smart as my friends simply because they have experienced seasons of life that I haven't... not ready and somehow just not mature enough.

I know they are lies, but goodness they can be hard not to believe if i'm not careful.

My least favorite comment to hear is, "You just aren't ready yet or the Lord would have already sent him."

That is a load of bull-honkey. And since I have a lot of experience being single, let me just encourage you not to say it. It is not beneficial. And not true.

Just because a person is single does not make them any less ready or any less spiritually mature.

A single friend and I were talking the other night about learning our weaknesses so that when it's triggered you recognize the red flag and immediately rush in with Truth to counter the negative lie.

Being single is not my weakness, but like every single person there are moments when it's tough.

Janet Folger says in her book What's A Girl To Do (while waiting on Mr. Right) that the battle ground is the mind. It's not just true for single people, it's true for all. I'm convinced that each of our struggles start there, in the mind.

When I think about my close friends and their weaknesses (the ones that I know just how to fix ha) the thing lacking is truth and the thing present is negative lies. It's true for all of us. We just keep on letting the negative thoughts and words go round and round and round. We don't do anything to fight back.

We have step one down - be aware of yourself and your weaknesses.

But somehow we don't move on to step two - when said weakness is triggered speak Truth into it.

This post started out with a verse in James about the tongue having the power of life and death. We often think about the death part and forget about the life part. So maybe my steps are wrong.

Maybe it's:
step one - drench yourself in the Truth, the Life of God's word
step two - be aware of your weakness because the enemy will strike
step three - speak the Truth (outloud) into that place of negativity when he does strike
step four - begin to believe the truth over the lie
step five - victory (and repeat)

I despise "single" books. You know, the ones that try to encourage you that God has something to do in your life and you are blessed to be single and not tied down and so on and so on. I know there is so much truth in it, but there are moments when you just are tired of hearing it.

Then there are other moments when it has just what you need to hear. From Janet's book -

There is a God who intersected time and history to be nailed to a cross to pay your admission to heaven. That's how much He loves you. That's how much He wants to be with you. Regardless of where you are, regardless of what you feel or think. He is for you. And His plan for your life is best. Even when you feel differently. The good news is that our thoughts and feelings don't change the truth: God is for us.

He has not forgotten about me.
He still has plans for me.
He does have my best interest in mind.

And for me.... a whole lot more of faith building. Which, I know i'll be thankful for in the future, because my highest calling is not to find Mr. Right, but to find, know, and share Jesus. All other strivings will leave me empty. The funny thing, finding and falling in love with Mr. Right is ultimately still about Jesus.... and faith.

Trust God.

Sun, Shades and Summer Time

2011-07-15T23:28:00.007-05:00

We spent the last two weeks at the lake with friends. Instead of taking a big trip for vacation this year, we decided we would relax and hang out at the lake. It's one of our favorite places to be! No make up. No fixin' your hair. No electronics. No schedules. And just close enough to home that we can make a trip in if need be. Here are a few pictures to give you a preview of our days! (sadly I didn't pull out the camera very often)

Each morning mom and Karen got up to ride their bikes. They started out small, around 3 miles, and by the second week they were doing 10 miles each morning. On the night that this picture was taken 4 of us road 6 miles and the other 3 walked two.

Typically, Casie and I slept in, but occasionally we got up at 6 am to fish with dad!! It was way fun! If I marry a fisherman he better be all kindsa' ready for this chick! :) We even got to see the sunrise on our way out to the fishin' hole! So pretty!

Our days were spent on the water - soaking up the sun, riding the jet skis, enjoying boat rides, tubing, and skiing. I didn't take my camera out on the boat during the day so the only pictures we have of these events are on mom's phone. I'll have to remember to upload some of them later!

Our nights were filled with many beautiful sunsets, wonderful meals, great conversations, card games, and good books. One of our favorite things to do is go for a nice sunset boat ride after we eat dinner. Here are the pictures from our last evening with friends on the lake as we took in the beautiful sunset!

We are so blessed!

Thank you, Lord!

Summer

2011-06-30T20:50:00.004-05:00

Goodness!

Things have been pretty busy (in a good, fun way) here lately and I haven't posted very often at all.

The week after school got out we had Vacation Bible School at our church. This is my 3rd year (I believe) to lead music and it's always such a blessing and loads of fun! I, seriously, get excited each year to go to the meetings and get my materials so that I can start planning. We had our program on Thursday night of that week and then ended bible school on Friday.

Then, on Sunday we loaded the vans at 6:15 am to head towards Florida. Our youth choir was on board to Orlando for Sonpower and the sister and I were excited about joining them on their trip. We really had a good time!

I had two girls in my room, both of whom were home-schooled, and it was really fun spending a week with them minus the "your momma" jokes at midnight. Thankfully, I woke up with "new mercies" and a better attitude! :)

I have to say, I do not wish that I can go back to my teen years. Being on this side (as a sponsor) and reliving all that you struggle through at that age made me appreciate that fact that I survived that crazy season! Half-way kidding.

The picking on others started the first night at our hotel and I couldn't do it. Fears of being labeled the 'uncool' sponsor worried me, but I couldn't help but stand up simply because I remember that uncomfortable feeling of being the 'uncool' one back in Junior High. Thankfully, the uneasy-ness of gently reminding them to "be kind" drifted away after that first time.

We got to hear Shaun Groves speak - and might I add, he is a genuine man! I couldn't wait for bible study each night! One of my favorite sermons was when he shared that we don't have to wait til' Thursday to have our guilty alter call where we pour out our hearts and tears because we gave our all and totally messed up the past year and promise to do better this year. Instead, we can rest in knowing that we all have been there and messed up as well, and as followers of Christ we can live in the daily place of realizing that we are going to fall, but that He stands there with open arms extending grace every time. I thought it was the perfect message for youth.

The Micah Watson Band lead worship for us and it was great as well.

The rest of the week was spent in rehearsal preparing for our recording session that would be on Friday. We also had one mission project that involved handing out brochures for a local churches VBS. And Wednesday we got a free day, which was spent at Universal Studioes. It was way fun, minus the creepy contacts guy on stilts at the Mummy ride. I don't do scary eyes.

The girls that I had been spending lots of hours, giggles, inside jokes, and quality time with opened up about boys and relationships approximately an hour away from being home. I took in every second despite the fact that it was short-lived. They were wide-eyed, respsonsive, and open to share their fears, thoughts, desires, etc..

We arrived back home late Saturday evening where we learned that dad killed a copperhead with a 2 x 4 because it was blocking the doorway and he had nothing else to kill it with... and then we attended church and the Night Of Praise the following night.

Many Fun Times!!!

When I layed down in MYYYYY bed Sunday night my body breathed in the sweet fact that I had zero plans for the next few days!!!

So here I sit, trying not to freak out about buying my first car (yes, I finally did it!!! ahhhhh... eek!!!) and working on "school things" from home so that I can better manage my time when the year starts and continuing through-out the school year.

On a side note, I bought some super cute decorative wall stickers for the two bathrooms in my classroom! I'm totally pumped! Just hope they turn out like i'm envisioning!!!

Hope you are enjoying your summer! I may not be back for two and a half weeks!

Love you all!

An Overview of the Past Week

2011-06-10T15:24:00.010-05:00

I can't believe it's only been four days since school got out! It seems like so much has happened in a few short days! Tuesday morning Casie walked downstairs and declared that she wanted to go shopping. If you know her at all, you know she is so not a shopper!

Mom fainted.

We got her some dresses. This next one being her favorite.

The next day she woke up with another crazy exclamation. She wanted to go take pictures! Below are a few, okay a lot, of my favorites!

I love you sister!

Thanks for allowing me to go shopping with you, to fix your pretty, long, girly hair, to do your make-up, and to take pictures of you! You know it's completely up my alley!

You are the best sister and i'm blessed!

One Year Ago

2011-06-05T20:54:00.005-05:00

The title of my blog refers to a journey, and what a journey it has been!

Exactly a year ago today I was asked to be on the First Grade Team at the school that i'm currently teaching at.

Tomorrow is the last day of my first year.

It's pretty emotional to think back on all that has happened and how far the Lord has brought me. And you guys might be tired of hearing about it, but who's blog is this? :)

If you get anything at all from visiting this place I hope it's that He is good. He being the God of all creation. Even when it doesn't "feel" like it... He. Is. Good.

When you feel like you are worthless... let Him remind you that you are worth it to Him.

When you lack confidence.... let Him be that for you.

When you are afraid.... remember that there is power in His name... and speak it outloud while believing Him.

When you have no idea where you are going... know that He does.... and trust that He has your bet interest in mind.

When the circumstances in your life tempt to rob you of your joy.... know that He is your daily portion and passion.

It has been such a blessing for me personally to be able to come back to the pages of this journal and read all that the Lord has done, not just over the past year, but leading up to this year. If you had told me in the midst of all my insecurities and trials that this is where I would be today.... I don't really know what I would have thought. And I don't just mean where I would be physically - the location, town, and school. I mean spiritually, in my journey with the Lord Jesus Christ.

There were times throughout college when things just really seemed dim.

I'm so glad that I have Him with me where ever I go.
I'm so glad that He took all of those "issues" and used them for His glory, my good.
I'm so glad that He has prospering plans for me and that He believes in me.
I'm so glad that there is more to life than just being a teacher.

It is truly about the journey.

The journey of knowing of Him.

All glory to You, Lord God. Praise Your Holy Name.

Stand In Awe

2011-05-30T12:38:00.008-05:00

In symphony with all created things

sing the song that we were made to sing

Stand in awe, Stand in awe

In the skies and in the oceans

everything that's living breathing

a symphony to You

There will be no greater song

in the heights above or the earth below

Jesus, all for You

(Symphony - Chris Tomlin)

What A Weekend

2011-05-29T22:47:00.004-05:00

Friday the sister and I were alone since the 'rents went to the Rangers game. We decided to take advantage of no "picky eaters" being along and went to Olive Garden. Which happens once every 3 years. True story.

Saturday I slept incredibly later than I intended to sleep. Not that I had a schedule for the day, I just haven't slept past noon in a very long while. We (the sister, her boyfriend, and I) made a quick trip to the shreve to buy a wedding gift for a friend. Then later that evening I went and hung out with my best friend at work. We ate a blizzard, enjoyed the nice cool weather outside while her children played, and then watched Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure. If your children haven't seen it - it's really a pretty cute, clean movie. The message was good. I thought.

Sunday rolled around, where dad was able to lead worship while our friend (the music minister) went out of town. For some odd reason I skipped my afternoon nap to prepare and finalize the worship/music schedule for Vacation Bible School. Apparently I was on a roll because, next I sat down at the computer to get some things done for school next year. It feels so good to be ahead instead of procrastinating. I don't like to proscratinate when it comes to work and truly i've done a very good job at getting things done early this year, but goodness am I way early with my preparations for next year.

Our principal asked us to pick a college for our classroom theme next year to encourage our students to take their education seriously and kind of pump them up about their future. I'm sure she said some other convincing things that made us agree and join in on the theme. Thus, here we are. I didn't really have a theme last year and was so not about to redo all my curtains and stuff just to decorate for a team. Plus, have I mentioned that i'm so not a sports girl.

Arkansas Razorbacks

There you have it. Black and Red. It totally matches with my current colors and I won't have to change my curtains!!! :) Fab!

(And I know some of you are like why in the world arkansas? I just love Ouachita and it's in Arkansas and most of my friends that I went to school with there were from Arkansas and Razorback fans. Therefore.... so am I. And hello, black and red.)

So keeping with the College Theme I decided to lean more towards the TEAM aspect of it in regards to my classroom. Here are some ideas i've found online and plan on doing in my classroom.

My door will say - Miss Kilgore's Team and each child's name will be printed on a jersey and taped to the door. The "roster", class list, will be hung on the wall beside the door. Above the door it will say - Bounce your way into first grade!

Our school motto is "We learn together. We stick together. We succeed together." So keeping with the TEAM theme and tying it in with our school motto we will combine all of that to say "Teamwork - There is no I in team. We learn together. We stick together. We succeed together."

My classroom behavior system will be in the theme of football. Each child will have their name on a football and will move up and down the scale according to their choices. If they stay on green all day they will have scored a TOUCHDOWN. If they make negative choices they will recieve a penalty and move towards the yellow flag and red flag (I know there is no such thing as a red flag in football, but i'm making one).

We will have a large baseball glove on the wall with ten tiny baseballs waiting to be caught. When we recieve a compliment in the hallway, or something similair to that, we'll add a ball to the glove. When we recieve ten we'll get some kind of class prize (extra recess, pop corn, etc.) It will have the words - Catching Compliments above the glove.

We'll have a Cheers bucket and wall where you can cheer your classmates on by giving them compliments throughout the year!

We will have a MVP of the week so that we can display their amazing work!

Our classroom library corner will be called the Reading Dugout where you can Catch a good book and Hit a homerun when you read!

On the first day of school we will discover all the many topics and skills that we will learn in First Grade. Each student will make 3 goals for themselves for the year and will write those goals on a soccer ball. We'll hang them outside on the wall with the words - Aiming for our First Grade Goals.

When we make a 100 on our spelling test we will get to wear a lanyard that says Homerun Speller. And everyone will get to collect a ring of baseballs that have all the words they have learned to spell correctly all year long.

We will have a Referee hanging on the wall for when we feel the urge to tattle because Miss Kilgore just cannot take it. I don't know why it's so fun to talk to a piece of paper taped to the wall, but it works people. Trust me.

And we will Have a Ball on Our Birthdays!

And before you go thinking i'm so very creative, let me just say that most of these ideas were taken from proteacher.org and others were adapted to fit my theme.

So there you have it! A very productive day! Hope you all enjoy your Memorial Day tomorrow!

Thank You, Lord, for a very productive day and for passion where You have called me! I am nothing without You.

Changes

2011-05-28T14:04:00.003-05:00

We got to work Monday morning thinking something was going to be shared as far as changes for next year.

-Who is moving to the low school and leaving our family at Crockett?

Never did we realize that more changes lie just around the corner.

As it turned out, we didn't get to find anything out on Monday. Before I left work that day my best friend (my favorite team-mate on first grade... I call her my bestfriend at work) and I stopped by the principal's office to vent and see if we could find out any news.

We were both given a hint that we were going to be fine and to be honest I was given a hint before from another friend who always knows the info before it's shared. My principal had told me a few weeks earlier that he said he more than likely wasn't going to take a first year teacher because it wouldn't be fair to that person. They just got comfortable and went through a very new, stressful year and then you pluck them from that and move them into a brand-new environment to have basically another first year again. Those words as well made me feel like I had nothing to worry about.

Tuesday rolls around and the principal from the low school walks into the office as i'm standing there. I think I smiled... not real sure.... and then laid my head on the counter when she walked into my principal's office and shut the door.

And the door remained shut for almost two hours.

It was killing us. Finally my best friend at work went to the assistant principal and asked her if we were going to find anything out and she said.... yes.

We continued to wait until almost 3 o' clock that afternoon when the news was finally out.

I was fine and my best friend were fine just like the hint we had recieved earlier.

but

not the fine that I expected.

My best friend at work pulled me into her classroom and shared more changes. She was being moved to Second Grade. And while that's still on the same campus, it's NOT the same as being on the same team. I wasn't just losing one team member to a completely different school, I was losing my favorite team member to a completely different team on the other side of campus. I immediately started crying. If things weren't crazy enough to begin with that just made me want to shut down and cry. I felt like our team was just being ripped apart.

All I could say in that moment was why? And her response was it was either me or you Megan and I couldn't do that to you after your first year. So either way we were going to be seperated. I respect and thank her for stepping up to the plate. Then she also shared with me that my principal fought for me to stay at Crockett because I was on the list to go to the low school.

Once again, I stood there completely shocked. Like when is all this going to stop? I felt like I had been hit by a bus. All along I was taking the hints and thinking that I had NOTHING to worry about when truly all of this stuff was going on behind the scenes that I had no idea about. Something about that got me. It just got me and I couldn't let it go. I felt emotionally shocked.

I pulled myself together for a little bit, but when I walked into my mom's office I lost it. I knew that ultimately I was going to be okay, it was just in that moment too much information... shocking information.

Even in this seemingly unimportant time of pruning and trials, God is
preparing me for the next step. This "getting ready period" is not a waste of
time. It is an important part of fulfilling my calling. Though I can't see much
fruit, God is getting my branches ready and healthy enough to hold all He knows
is coming.

I remembered this quote from last summer and it made me think. I thought losing my job altogether was going to be worse case scenario and pretty tough, but as it turns out, staying is going to be pretty tough as well. Change isn't easy, but change requires you to trust everything to the Lord. He is our portion. And He is constantly getting us ready and healthy enough to hold all He knows is coming.

The Megan a few years back would never be standing solid through all these changes. And I just have to say Praise The Lord. All of those trials that I went through in college were preparing me for the many changes I would face, all the unknowns of growing up. And although they are hard, I love knowing that I can always (no matter where I am) lean on the rock and firmness of Jesus Christ. He does have my best interest at mind.

And He knows what is coming
He knows what I will become....

To You be the glory. Jesus Christ.

The Constant One

2011-05-20T15:53:00.002-05:00

Well, i'm sittin' tight and pretty right now. I think the stress and deadlines at the end of the year have kinda taken my eyes off the fact that I am losing my little family of kiddos in my classroom.

Even though I "don't have favorites" there are definitely some that are wayyyy harder to let go than others. I held in the tears when I put them in the car, squeezing and letting the hug linger a little longer than usual.

It felt good to know that I could "come over for swim days or to go to the beach".... HAHA!!! :)

I felt like I have been in a tunnel all day long.

Your first year is a hard year, but it's also a special year... one that you will never forget. You are fresh out of the gate with tons of energy and passion to keep you going. I guess there is part of me that is sad that this year is over and i'm no longer "first year" anymore. But God is good and He will continually be my passion and drive.

I stood in my classroom starring into space, reliving all the little things we've done all year. I kept envisioning repetitive things that were in our daily routine. That's when it gets emotional.

I am just drained all the way around.

We are like fruit basket turn overs right now on our campus because almost everybody is moving to a new classroom to try and have our layout "make sense". Right now half of third grade is on the other side of the campus than the rest of their team. It's going to be completely chaotic moving that many teachers and all their belongings. I am excited about the possibility of getting to decorate and re-arrange a new room. That's always fun, but for now it's a bit stressful packing things up.

Last night I posted the entry from April that let you know I was safe and had a job. Lots has happened since then. We were told that one teacher per grade level would be moving to the lowest school in town to try and strengthen that campus. While I want to think that he will not take me with my lack of years, I still don't want to get excited too soon.

It's been pretty sad around our campus because we are all so close. Most of the teachers have been there for years and have become a tight-knit family. It's not easy to think about losing a member of that team.

As it is right now we still know nothing. And who knows when we'll find out. Administration knows, but isn't letting the news out yet..... that's just hubba jubba.

So be in prayer for all the changes that are happening at our school next year. It's definitely keeping me on my toes and keeping me clinging to Jesus. He is the only constant.

All my changes come from Him, He who never changes.
I'm held firm in the grasp of the Rock of all the ages.
All is well with my soul.
He is God in control.
I know not all His plans, but I know I am in His hands.

The Day, The Cut

2011-05-19T17:43:00.000-05:00

***This is a post that was origionally scheduled for April 10, 2011. Sorry it's so late.

Friday was the day.

The day we found out whether or not we would still have a job next year.

Legally, teachers are required to know 45 days before the end of the school year if they are being offered a contract for the next year. The senate wasn't supposed to meet until after that time.

To make this a short story, our superintendent decided to think worse case scenario and made a hard decision before the 45th day cut off. Not only did he want to be legal, but he also wanted to allow those who would be layed off an opportunity to look for a new job instead of waiting to hear how things were going to be and then getting cut at the last minute.

As hard as it was, I think he made a wise decision. If it turns out that the senates decision means that we have cut too many people in Marshall, the superintendent can always go back and re-hire those people who were let go.

A school district near us isn't cutting anyone. Instead, they are all taking a 10 percent cut in pay. As much as it would stink to to take that big of a cut in your paycheck, atleast they still have all their positions; Reading Interventionist, Gifted and Talented Teachers, etc.. That sounds more like a "what's best for the students" kind of mindset.

Our district, on the other hand, is putting one more thing on the teachers plate. We. Will. Survive. I'm proclaming it now... although, i'm human and so not looking forward to it at the moment.

Okay.... so back to THE day.

We got an email earlier in the week letting us know that we would find out by Friday.

I was good to go until Thursday. Thursday was tough. It was like this "okay we have been waiting all this time and now here we are.... oh my gosh I can't believe this is really happening... just tell us and let it be over with" feeling. I could feel the stress in my body ready to come out. While I trusted the Lord and believed that none of this was catching Him off guard and that it had to pass through His hands before happening, I also knew Megan. And I knew that either way I would shed some tears. There would either be tears of straight joy and thankfulness. Or tears of momentary greif and then moving on in anticipation to see where He would lead me next.

Mourning? Greif? Yes.

I would be sad if I were told that I wasn't going to be coming back. And I would have seriously needed the rest of the day off. But it would have only been momentary and then I would be leaning on the hope, abundance, and joy of my Father. Knowing that this "divine intervention" was for my good because He does have my best interest in mind. So the fact that we were literally down to the last hours before we would find out drove me up the wall.

Was I really ready to hear? Was I really exercising faith? Had I told the Lord how I seriously felt? Did I lay all my concerns before Him? You know, just the typical last minute thoughts that seem to swim around in your mind. The teacher across the hall came over and was like, oh my gosh, are you seriously worrying? Coming from the chick who said to me a while back, if you trust God, you trust God. He is either God in control or He isn't. Even in this situation. You either trust Him or you don't.

Don't you just love when someone turns your own words back around. ha. I think the reality had finally set in that this wasn't a dream and it really was happening. It was emotional.

Friday morning we got the email from our Principal letting us know that our entire campus was safe. I had already heard it earlier that morning when I was standing in her office dying to know, but being the visual learner that I am, when I saw it on my computer screen I started crying. I turned to my kids and said, "Miss Kilgore is okay, but she just needs a moment." Third person? Yes. And in the middle of my classroom I just stood there realizing how unworthy I was to be chosen to come back.

Out of all the first year teachers cut, here I stood escaping that cut. I have so much to learn, so much to improve on, so much that I need and have planned to do differently next year. so. unworthy. And yet He saw fit for me to be chosen to come back. I thanked Him. And I told Him God i'm so stinkin' unworthy. Forgive me for all the many times this year that I have flat out failed. And help me to remain in this place of absolute awe and thankfulness that I was chosen to be here. so. unworthy.

It was a very emotional day. Thinking back on where I have come in the past two years.

May 2008 - Sitting on my backporch as a Junior in college completely terrified, not having a clue which direction to go, which major to choose...laying it all at His feet... trusting that He would lead me where He wanted me and give me the courage, confidence, and tools to do my job - even though I had no idea what that would be.

May 2009 - Heading into graduation as a general studies major still with not a clue where He is leading me. To get a phone call around those same days asking me to come be a long term sub with zero experience (at the school that two years later I would be on staff as a first grade teacher).

July 2009 - Stepping out in faith and applying for my teaching certificate and preparing for interviews and tests that I hadn't taken any education classes for.

September 2009 - Taking one of the hardest tests their is and passing.

June 2010 - Being hired without even putting in my application and only going for one interview.

September 2010 - Being observed by my Region 7 supervisor at the beginning of my first year of teaching and hearing the words - Honey, the Lord answered your prayers because this is exactly where you are supposed to be.

Lots of students who graduated around my time as education majors haven't been able to find jobs. And here I am.... not an education major. chosen.

God, I feel so unworthy. Even as I sit here I don't feel like I should be selected. You obviously have different plans. So I admit that I am nothing and You are everything. I still recognize that I can't do this job without You. You are my passion. You are my courage. You are my strength. You are my peace. You are my everything. And I beg for You to continue to be all of those and more as I continue on this journey. Will you keep this thankfulness in the fore-front of my mind when I start to get overloaded with stress and deadlines and everything else that comes with this job. I want to remember that YOU lead me here and that YOU desire abundance for my everyday life. Be my passion. Help me to find something that works for me so that I can still have a life and enjoy time with friends and family. I know that this job can take over my life if I let it.... but that I also don't feel prepared unless I spend hours each week in my classroom. So Lord, I believe that there has to be a way, so will You show me that way to balance everything I am supposed to get done and to still have my life. I love You and thank You.... And I want You daily. intimately. To the glory of Your name. Jesus.

Time Flies

2011-05-18T23:09:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is our End of the Year Party. Which is the very reason while i'm still up this late on a school night.

The tears have already started people.

It all started when I was reading my letters to my mom. We have been making Memory Books all week in class. Each student writes a letter to each friend telling them why they are special, what they like about them, how they have helped or made them feel, something they are excellent at, etc.. At the end of the book I have attached my letter to each child.

I was okay while I was writing them. The tears came when I read back through them.

I've also framed a picture of me with every child to go with their Memory Book and letters. (That sounds vain... a picture of ME, but promise you it's not intended that way.) Anyways, back to what I was saying....

My computer crashed so I'm not able to get to most of my pictures i've taken this year in order to make a slideshow or print them for my kids. Kinda stinks.

I decided to check the sisters computer just to make sure I didn't have some on there. There were a few, but most of them were from last year with Kindergarten.

Since I was with Kinder last year and then moved up to teach First Grade I was with most of these kids for two years. Which makes it extra special and extra hard to let them go. You don't realize how much someone has grown (including yourself) until you look back over pictures.

.... thus, more tears.

I can't believe my two year journey of getting my alternate teaching certificate is over.
I can't believe my first year is over.
I can't believe it's already been two years with these children.
I can't believe how much my heart completely loves each of them.
I can't believe it's time to let them go.

.... I am not ready for it to be over.

Once again, I give You the glory and praise Your name. You were the One who placed belief and courage in my heart to take on this journey and task. It's really not about the teaching at all... no matter how much I enjoy it... but more of knowing You and showing You to others. I thank You for all that You have shown me over the past two years and I beg for You to continue. Be my passion each day that I enter that building. In the precious, powerful, specific, peace-giving name of Jesus.

Hoo.Rah.ah.ah.

2011-05-15T22:05:00.003-05:00

Don't try to figure out my title. It is merely what came out of my mouth.

I'm entering grades for.the.last.time. this year and i'm about to screeaaaam.I cannot express to you how much I dislike grading papers. It's torture.

Kindergarten doesn't take actual grades. You get mastered or still developing. Ooooooh if each grade level was the same as Kinder.

Friday is the last day of school before the 10 flex days begin. Right now i'm overwhelmed with grades so it doesn't really make me sad, but boy howdy i'm gonna be sad when my kids leave. That's five days. five.days. Oh my goodness. I just can't believe it.

We have 5 little pets that we are observing in our class right now. They began as caterpillars. Eensy weensy caterpillars. Then they turned into chrysalis which was pretty neat to watch. And Friday we got to witness the transformation as one butterfly came out of his chrysalis. We may have a few more surprises when we get there tomorrow morning.

In each new phase we have written and draw our observations. As I was grading papers tonight one of my kids wrote "Happy Like" on her butterfly observation from Friday. Oh my...

Well, I guess I better get back to my grades so that I can be done. DONE. done. done. done.

And then i'll be all happy like.

Cinco de Mayo

2011-05-05T20:26:00.002-05:00

My kids are just too precious!!! I was bombarded with love and gifts as soon as the bell rang this morning. My crown and other pink attire is from a crazy, fun, girly-girl in my class. I had to wear it all day. The boa was too itchy so it didn't last long. Approximately point five seconds.

I got flowers. a one dollar bill. a build a bear. plenty of hand-made cards. which might I add are the best kind... especially when they say cool as a homey. and I also got.....

glasses.

Happy 24th Birthday to me! Granny.

The Dramatic Events Lately

2011-04-29T20:00:00.003-05:00

Sisterrrrrrrrrrrrs!!!

Oh, if I could share with you the dramatic events of my health lately I so would, but trust me when I say parts of it are T.M.I.

Just too much!

I will tell you that I found a gray hair on the floor when I was on my knees in my favorite place with the Lord. Lately, I've come to love that posture before Him and often i'll go to the same place. But apparently I have some stress up in this life because gray.hairs.people.

GRAY.HAIRS.

Not just one, but four.

Ah.

Quite a few people have been asking where I have been lately and while others of you may not care at all, I figured I might as well share.

Made To Crave by Lysa Terkeurst is the current book that i'm reading and if you haven't heard of it or added it to your list.... do so now. It's absolutely wonderful! The Truth's in this book are a lot of the same one's that I have been learning over the past two years. I love it when that happens!

Just a little breif summary for those of you who have no idea what Made To Crave is about - Lysa shares openly that she struggles with her weight and food. She says in her book that craving isn't a bad thing, but that the only thing that was meant to satisfy was God. She encourages us by letting us know that it is possible to overcome this battle with food. It doesn't have to be a continuous cycle.

One of the chapters talks about the skinny girls. I'm so glad she included that chapter in her book, because although I don't struggle with food or weight that doesn't mean I don't have my own issues or cravings. And trust me, you wouldn't want to swap your weaknesses for mine or anybody elses.

You may have read my post a few weeks ago about "Daring to believe that you can defeat the voice of impossible". Well, when I read Made To Crave the "thing" i'm believing that I can overcome is my addiction or craving for the internet.

Do I do anything bad on the internet? No.
Is everything about the internet bad? No.

But I do come home completely exhausted and sit and sit and sit and sit and sit. And then hours later I realize that I have wasted so much of my time. It frustrated me. It disgusted me. It bothered me.

My checklist had time with Jesus at the top, but I could feel in my heart that my checklist had free down time on the internet first. And Ladies, Jesus doesn't look at my checklist. He looks at my heart. And oh, how my heart so longed for Him. I wanted Him first in my heart. I wanted my heart to truly be satisfied by Him and Him ONLY.

It frustrated me. It disgusted me. It bothered me.

It bothered my soul.

I knew that I didn't want to fast or diet from the internet because..... I don't believe in diets.

I knew that what I needed was strength and victory from Jesus. And before I ever heard of Made To Crave or even knew it existed, I knew and believed and even felt Him speaking the same message to my heart about my internet issue.

I needed Him to help me overcome this area of my life. And I believe that it was possible.

I was tired of letting a THING control me. How silly.

So there you have it.

My computer crashed and will not turn on. My facebook sent me strange emails and I was afraid it may have a virus, so I haven't gotten on it in months. That explains where I have been in terms of that.

Thankfully, I find blogger completely beneficial to my life and I don't feel the Lord telling me to close shop, but I do want self-control and victory when it comes to time management.

So I haven't officialy sat down and made a plan, but in the back of my mind i've "made a plan" and if it's not on my plan i'm not going to do it. Right now, i've only been getting on during the weekends and honestly, sometimes i've done so well during the week that I'll pass up the opportunity to get on during the weekend.

In the meantime, I hope you guys are doing well and I hope you're growing intimately in love with the Lord Jesus Christ. He is so very good and I pray that you see that and sense that when you come to this place.

I love you all.

Easter Joy

2011-04-25T21:59:00.003-05:00

The Kilgore Family Easter 2011

My precious, purple-wearing parents!

Fun Fact: If you look up orange on the color wheel blue is directly across from it. Meaning, those colors matched together will bring out the brighter boldness in each color. So fun! :)

Friends since birth. Literally. Practically Sisters. Love them like nobodies business.

They were so very thoughtful and kind to invite us over to eat for Easter! It was delicious! Afterwards we had an Easter Egg Hunt where the big kids were able to participate. Gift Cards and Money were in the "big" kid eggs. Here we are below with our findings!

It was a beautiful, blessed day where the joy and abundance of Jesus what absolutely evident!

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (eph 3:17b-19)

And may you truly taste and see that He is, indeed, so very good!

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory, forever and ever! Amen. (Eph 3:20-21)

The Past Weekend

2011-04-17T22:13:00.002-05:00

Well, well... It's been a pretty busy week around our household. We just finished up our last performance of The Sacrifice, an Easter play we do at our church. The sister and I are merely town's people, but mom and dad have actual "names" (err parts) in the play. Dad is Pilate and mom is his wife, Perculia (totally not sure how to spell that). They start out in normal towns people street clothes and then switch during the middle of the play into their fancier garb. Mom's outfit is white and gold with a cape and all sorts of stuff. Once their big scene is over they switch back into their normal towns attire so that they can be a part of the end of the show. A few of my students came and it was so fun to see them afterwards. One of my little girls whom I love soooooooooooo very much ran up to my mother (keep in mind she is in her olive green regular towns clothing) and said (with her finger next to her mouth in deep thought), "ummmm... I thought you were the princess?" ha :) crack. me. up. It's always such a blessing and fun to be a part of the show. It is a great way to get to know people in your church whom you may see often, but not truly know. By the last performance we are typically drained in all aspects, but when it's over it is kinda sad that we won't be spending hours late into the night up at the church crunching to get everything just right. My sweet mother ran up to the school with me afterwards... in.the.dark. so that I could get my sub plans layed out juuuuuust perfectly. I'm prett anal when it comes to leaving my students with other people. While I know that things will be okay, i'm suuuuch a planner that it really gives me some anxiety to make sure that it's all layed out right. It's easier to just be there instead of take a day, but it's also so very biblical to rest. I definitely need a day to not only rest, but get some things done that I don't typically have time for (like oil change, tire rotation, shopping, cleaning my bedroom, etc..). But i'm definitely going to miss my kids. As the anxiety tried to creep in this afternoon when I had to leave my sub plans unfinished and the thoughts came flooding that it would be much easier to just beeee at school, I took a moment to turn it into a positive thought. I wouldn't be so concerned with getting my plans just right if I didn't care about my kids. And the fact that I want to be there instead of take a day once again fills my heart will joy, praise and thanks. I still wouldn't trade knowing He lead me there and that His passion and peace keep me going. He is good! I am nothing without You, Jesus. Be with my students tomorrow and my sub. Help me to find rest, yet to get some things done that need to be done. Life feels a little hectic here lately.... constantly going here and there. Will you help me see what doesn't need to be or how to manage time? I don't want to get so caught up in everything that I miss my purpose in You. Please allow your Reality and Truth to sink deep into my soul. Every area of my mind that needs to be replaced with bold confidence... Lord, please do for Your glory. I desire to know you more passionately and intimately with each day. To continue to taste and see that You are good... Praise Your Name!

Blogger Problems

2011-04-10T18:46:00.003-05:00

Lately when I try to type a post there are no spaces inbetween my paragraphs when I hit publish. And since I stink at telling short stories, and for the most part typing short posts, I refuse to make you squint your eyes and suffer through reading a post. with. out. spaces. I have many things that I have wanted to share, but I guess you aren't suppose to hear them yet. arg. arg. arg. Hope you are all doing well!

The Starting Line

2011-03-21T11:32:00.000-05:00

Dad and I didn't just start running when I moved back in the middle of college. Actually, our running adventures started way back in the sixth grade.

My PE coach made all of us try out during class one day for the annual Field Day events that were coming up in a few weeks. The results that day would determine who got to compete against all the other Marshall schools.

I don't remember setting out to win that race that day. I honestly can't even recall how hard I was pushing or even if I wanted to race on the big day. I don't even remember what I felt or thought when I did, indeed, place at my school.

What I do remember is a father who practiced with me in the backyard. Not only did he have more knowledge in this area, but he believed that I was capable. I trusted his wisdom. And honestly, it amazes me to this day that as a very young girl I decided to go with his coaching rather than run with my friends that day.

You see, my dad told me that all the others would take off running towards the prize at a very fast pace and soon burn out. He told me that I might be tempted to run with the crowd as well. But he also told me that if I hold out and pace myself at the right time I can kick it into gear and win the race.

And that is exactly what I did.

The race started and everyone took off. Even my friends. Leaving me trailing behind in last place the entire race. One of my friends kept turning around telling me to hurry up so that I didn't finish last. I heard my father the entire time and, therefore, tuned her out.

I believed him. Pushing truth into the noise of the world.

And just like he said, at the right time, and something in me just knew when that time was, I pushed through and passed every single one of those people infront of me. I came all the way from last place that day to being the winner, with a few seconds to spare between the second place runner. Not just striving, but thriving.

I remember what it felt like when I realized I had won. I couldn't wait to find my dad in the stands. I just knew he would be so proud.

"We did it, dad!"

I don't remember hesitating to believe my dad that day. It was never an option to question his wisdom. I went with what he said... he is my father. he loves me. Why would he want anything less than victory for his daugther? Even if it meant exhorting some effort, increasing some faith, truly trusting and trailing behind at first.

So my father may push a little harder than i'd like to go somedays, but it's only because he knows that victory lies on the other side if only I believe it for myself. He wouldn't push me beyond my limits.

And there in is the truth of our Heavenly Father. He only plants desires and dreams into your heart and soul, and then dares you to believe them because He knows what your limits are and if you just hold out, victory is on the other side. His plans for your life are those that involve abundance, power, prospering, and fullness. Push His truth into the noise of the world. Believe His wisdom. He loves you. Victory. His name is Jesus and it tastes so good. And sister, He believes in you. (yes, you)

Dare to believe it too.

Whatever it may be for you.

For with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. So I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Matthew 9:26, Philippians 3:14

Made for More

2011-03-20T20:03:00.003-05:00

Believing ties into faith.

We can't truly believe if we don't have faith.

No matter what it is that you are trying to accomplish; whether it be running a real race, overcoming your life-long struggle with bad eating habits, being a better wife and mother or branching out to that one dream or desire that you feel tugging on your heart... you must press on, all the while increasing faith.

Dare to believe. Defeat the voice of impossible.

When we head out into these "areas" of our lives that we desperately want to taste victory, we can feel extremely vulnerable. The outcome is unknown. Exactly how we are going to get there could be unknown. Just how much energy and effort it's going to take is unknown. How long it's going to last is unknown.

push. dig deeper. slow down, but don't stop.

We will get a little taste of what it is to live beyond that place. From impossible to possible. And i'm tempted to believe that even the tiniest little sip of victory in His name will push you even farther in accomplishing many other things. to the glory of God.

We were made for victory. Sometimes we just have to find our way to that truth. - Lysa Terkeurst

You see, it isn't about "running" at all. It may be your way to finding that truth that Lysa is speaking of, but it's not about the running.

Lysa says in Made to Crave that remembering that truth - made for more - and saying it in the midst of all her mental assaults challenged and invigorated her all over again.

We were made for more.

We have to take the negative images and lies in our lives and find a truth to replace them. No doubt the assaults will keep coming, but the more you push the truth into it, the stronger you'll become and eventually.... you'll believe it.

We were made for more. Dare to believe it. Push past impossible.

How are we made for more like Lysa says? Why should we dare to believe that we can defeat that voice of impossible?

Because of the power available to us in Jesus name.

So yes, quoting Lysa once again, we need the truth of who we are and the power to live out that truth.

It's not about the running. It's not about becoming a writer. It's not about being a better mom. Those are simply the journey's and the circumstances that He uses so that you may know Him better.

He made us, not so that we can have perfect lives, but so that we can taste victory in the midst of our everyday mess. power. abundance. victory. all for the glory of God.

That's why we dare to believe and push past impossible.

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. Ephesians 1:17-19

Dare To Believe

2011-03-19T23:14:00.005-05:00

...Running is our thing. You know, me and my dad.

He not only taught me to run, but taught me a life-long lesson through running.

"You are stronger than you think. You can push and dig deeper than you think. You may slow down, but don't you ever stop."

Isn't that true with life as well?

We believe the lies.

We don't think we are strong enough. We can't possibly push any harder, so we'll just stop altogether and sit here in self-pity while attempting to look like we have it together.

We believe the lies.

The lies that persuade us that impossible is where we will live.

"You can't do that. You will never be good enough."

The lies are much easier to believe.

Not only will it require a lot of faith from you, but the on-lookers watching us seem as though they are staring directly at us. Watching our every move.

Will they think i'm crazy for even attempting such a thing?

I'm convinced that we don't try because we are positive we are going to fail before we even start. So it's easier to just sit and do nothing than have someone see us in that weak place of failure. But for some of us the failure is just too much for us to bare within ourselves. We beat ourselves up sometimes more than others do.

And let me branch out for a second to say that sometimes even when we taste victory the enemy does everything in his power to diminish it. You just did your very best and no doubt it was awesome, but he still makes some of us believe that it wasn't good enough and that we are worthless. We have got to begin pushing the truth of Jesus into those places of worthlessness. As soon as we sense any piece of our being leaning towards believing that lie that we aren't enough... you believe His truth over any piece of that decieving lie.

Will I look like a fool for coming in last place?

To see a person accomplish something they never thought possible. To see someone not only exhort effort, but also faith, is beautiful. You are by no means a fool. And you are not running for anyone else, but yourself and the Lord. So take your eyes off the on-lookers and run for something deeper. If you are running for security or acceptance.... you've already lost. It's got to be more than just running. It's got to be something outside of yourself.

I dare you to believe. To move past the voice of impossible.

It will require faith. It will involve you dying to the opinions and acceptance of others. But it will be worth it.

In Jesus name...

Team Molly

2011-03-19T21:52:00.005-05:00

Kayla, Molly, Dad, and I ran a 5k this morning. It just so happened to be Molly's 30th birthday, and we surprised her by making Team Molly shirts for her big day!

While I use to be the camera freak that never went anywhere without my camera, I'm just not so much that chick anymore. All of that to say, I didn't even get a picture of my dad. Which makes me sad because he did awesome!

Running is our thing. You know, me and my dad.

He not only taught me to run, but taught me a life-long lesson through running. I'm just now unwrapping some of the spiritual parallels in those truths i've learned...

(Oh, and dad.... he got third place in his age group, running 3.2 miles in 24 minutes! We were so excited for him!)

Late Into The Night

2011-03-15T13:46:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago I shared this post with you. You know, the post about how Texas is going to cut a-hiney-load of Teachers because of a lack of funds and yada yada. And if you recall I told you that I wasn't worried and very rarely even thought about it.

And that was the truth. then.

Today. not so much.

Turns out, faith isn't really faith if it doesn't require faith.

Lysa Terkeurst said it a little better than me - To truly live a life of faith, we must do things that require faith.

Or in my words - go through things that require faith.

We were sitting around the table outside our camper when a member of our school board walked by and stopped to chat. Of course, this topic came up. It was at that moment that a tiny piece of anxiety/fear crept into my being.

A friend of ours was let go the Friday before Spring Break. Talk about reality hitting very close. I kept thinking man, I just want to let them know that Jesus, is still the same. And that it's allllll going to be okay.

But secretly inside I was thinking - ohhhhh so glad that isn't me. Sure, I cared about them and their well-being, but still I was so hoping it wouldn't happen to me.

The problem was - I hadn't really thought about what it would be like if I was the person losing my job.

Of course, I left the meeting over a month ago and knew that it was a possibility. And I told myself that I would trust the One who holds me. And I would believe that He is the same.

But I hadn't let my mind venture out to what I would do and where I would go if I were the one layed off.

I sat there frantically thinking, man I have such a peace here and a passion... what happens if that is ripped out from under me? Where will I go? What will I do? I can't work at McDonald's.... I need it to be somewhere where I have passion and peace. Do I try out for American idol? No stinkin way. gosh.. what do I do?

And so as I lay in bed last night realizing that none of this anxiety or fear was from God these were some of the thoughts that came to mind....

It's not my job to let my mind venture out to "what if" and create a Plan B for what i'm going to do if I lose my job.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

It's not healthy or even beneficial to create a scenario of what might happen. We come up with these plans in our future that terrify us and we just know are going to hurt us, before they ever even happen. fear.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble. Therefore we will not fear.... though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled; though the mountains shake... Be still, and know that He is God; He will be exalted...

So I still have no idea what is going to happen (and ohhhh I don't want to lose my job), but I do know this -
He has plans for me.
plans that involve abundance and hope
and I am not called to worry or be anxious or fear even to the tiniest degree
because He is God and He is bigger than my problems....
He will be exalted.

Lord God, I come to you in the name of Jesus saying thank You for Your Word... not just words that we read on pages and then move on, but Words that speak to us late into the night when our anxiety has finally beaten our physical strength to fight. I want to live a life of faith. I want to be a woman after Your heart who is so full of You that it's completely evident and spills over onto others. So as much as I want to keep this job because it's the first time in my life when i've felt peace and passion to keep doing something and not give up..... I trust that You are up to something bigger and that You do indeed have plans for me. Not just plans that involve making sure that I have a job and money, but plans that bring me closer to You and thus, prosper and live abundantly in Your hope. Because without a situation that requires faith, we would never need to trust in You.... and I.... oh goodness... I neeeeed You. So thank You, even now for reminding me how much I need You. Be exalted Lord.

Comfy Dresses

2011-03-13T14:47:00.004-05:00

oh.... this week is just too much for me!

Mom and dad left Friday night heading out to the lake to camp. Thankfully we camp within 30 minutes of our house so it's easy to make trips back in if need be, but have you seen the price of gas these days?

My perfectionist brain is trying to plan out my week so that i'm wise when it comes to gas. It's not working out so well.

It's really a good thing that the sister and I always wait a few days after the 'rents head out because mom always calls with a list of things she's forgotten. It's inevitable. (totally not sure if that's spelled correctly)

So here I sit... waiting on mom to call and give us her list before we head out. Casie is walking around the house, as mom tells her through the phone, gathering things. It's just a tad bit overwhelming.

I know i'm dramatic, but just bare with me.

We got home from church and immediately started packing some things for the lake. One shoe bag, one clothing bag, one bathroom bag, one camera bag, a few (okay... a lot) of comfy dresses on hangers, one teacher bag full of papers to grade, one pillow and a purse later and i'm filling ready to pull my hair out.

I have too much stuff!

THERE... I SAID IT. (And as the sister said - you come with a lot of baggage.)

and thanks.

I have this entire week to do all the things that I have zero energy left to do when I get home from work. In honesty, I will drive myself insane doing nothing and i'll end up back home cleaning out my closet and bedroom. I just can't waste this week.

Therefore, i'm filling a little overwhelmed currently and I just needed to let it out.

I'll rest, I'll hang with friends, i'll run a 5k, i'll do some spring cleaning, and I may make a trip to see a friend....

the endless possibilities.

I found my second gray hair this morning and although it's slightly humorous it does make me a little crazy inside. So as I continued to fix my hair while freaking out that all the others were turning gray before my eyes I decided that i'm going to reeeeeeeeeally start to soak up and enjoy my current season of life.

I'm single. My hair is still naturally colored black (minus two gray hairs). My body is free of stretch marks from being with-child. And many more things.....

I don't say that to make any readers feel sad about their season - each season has its own blessings! I'm simply choosing to embrace the one i'm in! I encourage you to do the same!

Now i'm off... thank you for sticking it out with my over-dramatic words and random, non-flowing post.

Peace and Blessings and Comfy Dresses! :)

Spring is a Comin'

2011-03-12T21:09:00.003-06:00

Well, Spring Break has arrived!

After the very cold winter that we had I've officially decided my favorite season(s) are spring and summer. And hasn't the weather been gorgeous?

We wouldn't appreciate Spring if there wasn't a Winter!

Spring rushes in thoughts of many things...

Spring Cleaning.
Bright Colors.
Warmer days.
Cleaner Cars.

Oh, wait! Maybe that last one is just true for me.

When it's cold my car is packed full of jackets. I could clean it out every week and it'd still end up right back where it started. It's tragic. So therefore, Spring means a cleaner car for Meggerz!

Another favorite is opening the blinds to let the natural light in! Yes, please!

No big travel plans for the break. We are camping, hanging out with friends, resting, and then running our 5k on Saturday. Still a very exciting week! :)

A few things before I leave -

Kayla introduced me to one of her friends blogs today. I think you'll enjoy her - so click here.

Emily shared a link to Simple Mom (Tsh's) blog where she is doing a series called Project Simplify - click here. This week girls all over the world linked up to show there before and afters of de-cluttering their closets. Definitely some Spring Cleaning going on over there!

Other than that, have a FABulous week!

Twelve Hour Work Day

2011-03-07T21:29:00.004-06:00

Tuesday is going to be a long day.

We have Parent Conferences all evening to prepare for the end of the year. Once again, some easy conversations, some not so easy.

I am so not looking forward to the end of the school year and the last day with these children.

i.
will.
bawl.
my.
eyes.
out.

God is good.

He is what keeps me going in this trying time in the education field. His peace. His assurance.

This is exactly where i'm suppose to be. And although it drains me and stresses me out and tests my patients and all of the above.... I wouldn't trade knowing His peace for anything.

Lord, be my words as I speak with each individual parent and their specific childs progress/needs. Help me show concern and compassion, yet say what needs to be said. Fill my classroom with your Holy Spirit.... after all, it's not an accident that I am these students teacher. Each parent that crosses my path tomorrow was sent from You. Help me to remember that. Wow... You are good. In the specific name of Jesus.

A Few S's

2011-03-05T23:37:00.003-06:00

As I was walking to my classroom early Wednesday morning I passed two other teachers and overheard a lil' bit of their convo, "Yeah... a snake!!! Can't believe I found it in THERE!"

Insert a picture of nosey Meg halting abruptly.

"Umm.. Excuse me. I hate to butt in, but did you say a snake?"

"Yes! I found a snake in my teacher bag. When I got home to grade papers last night I saw it."

Apparently said teacher has those little rubber snakes in her treasure box and, typically, the boys select that at the end of the week if they've had a "good" week. At first, she thought one of her precious students was just being funny, but as she reached in to move a book the snake moved as well.

No bueno.

Did I mention that this teachers classroom was right next door to mine? That is a little too close for me. For where there is a baby, there is a momma... i'm just sayin'.

I was totally down for calling it a day and calling in the troops to find the rest of the fam. Appearently no one else felt the situation was as serious.

Thus, I taught the rest of the day with criss-crossed legs IN my lap, IN my chair.

Oh, the things I put up with at my work-place! :)

Specific, Powerful

2011-03-01T21:42:00.003-06:00

Okay, i'm going to interupt my Feminar posts tonight... because this is my blog and i'm the boss here!! :) You know I stink when it comes to series or organized posts on this blog. Don't judge me!

If you know me at all, you know that I enjoy singing. As much as I enjoy the opportunities to sing at different places, the times when i'm alone with no one to impress are some of my most intimate moments. They are special to me.

One thing that grabs my heart is speaking words of a common worship song, or hymn, instead of singing them.

Singing is natural. Especially when you learn the rythym and routine of a song. It just starts to flow. And hear me out when I say there is nothing wrong with that. But there is also something about stopping that normal flow and routine, and speaking the words. Slowly speaking, listening, and believing.

Jesus, Jesus, there's just something about that name.
Master, Savior, like the fragrance after the rain.
Kings and kingdoms will all pass away,
but there's something about that name.

I once heard a worship leader end her prayer with these words - In the precious, powerful, specific name of Jesus Christ.

To this day I haven't forgotten those words and the truth in it. And honestly, I say it almost as a daily reminder to myself when I am feeling discouraged, hurt, anxious, scared, etc..

There are many moments in my daily life when I find myself speaking the name of Jesus outloud.

Specific. Powerful.

And you can think i'm weird, but it's as if I feel the peace and power coming out of my mouth as I say it.

All hail the power of Jesus' name....

There is something about hearing yourself say it that makes you listen. I mean it's not normal to talk outloud when it's just you in the room listening.

And so as odd and random and mixed up as this post may be, I challenge you to be different in your moments with the Lord. Why don't you simply turn everything off around you... stretch out your arms.... and then speak some worship songs to the Lord.

It may seem awkward at first, but I encourage you to stick it out. It's different. It's intimate.

...there is strength in the name of the Lord, there is power in the name of the Lord, there is hope in the name of the Lord...

I surrender all. I surrender all. All to Jesus, I surrender. Lord, I surrender all.

Feminar Follow-Up; Introduction

2011-02-26T20:54:00.006-06:00

Well, Feminar Weekend has come and gone and my how wonderful it was!!!

Last February I attended Feminar for the very first time. It was the first time that I heard Lysa Terkeurst live and she became one of my all-time favorite speakers!!! When I found out she was going to be back again this year I was totally on board!

Click here for my thoughts from last year!

There were many different people who would take the stage this year -

The worship leaders were Philips, Craig, and Dean on Friday evening and then Laura Story on Saturday morning. While I enjoyed both, a river of tears poured out during the worship time on Saturday. It was overwhelming.

A comedian, Jeff Allen, started the evening off with, obviously, a little humor. This next statement will make me sound like a total goof-ball, but I don't like comedians. Well, I guess it's not that I don't like them... I just for some reason don't laugh during a comedians act; Not like the knee slappers next to me. It was nice to have a little support from the sister. We leaned our heads together and whispered, "I think i've laughed one time during his entire act" and then we busted out laughing at the fact that we weren't laughing.

Ooooh it's the unplanned humor that gets us girls! ha.

The speakers for the weekend were Lysa Terkeurst, Janet White and a new lady that i'd never heard before - Lori Salierno.

Before I get into the many things that the Lord spoke to my heart I wanted to simply set the scene and share the funny moments that graced our weekend. So let's start....

During our break on Friday evening mom and Case bought one of Lysa's books. We stood in line so we could meet her and have her sign the title page. We were pretty close to the front of the line so we didn't have to wait very long at all.

Since I'm a planner I had my words all thought through, my camera ready to go so I could get mom and Casie's picture with Lys (can I give her a nick name?), and i was alllll ready to meet her.

Mom hands the book to Lys, spells her name out and tells her that she has been following her blog since last year's feminar and absolutely enjoys her posts. (insert a picture of Meg leaning over to butt into the convo) "Speaking of blogs, are you in for real life friends with the Nester?"

Lysa responded with a smile and YES!

After I snapped the picture of the three of them Lysa asked if I wanted a picture. Since I really and truly did NOT want to hold up the line or cause a scene I said, "No, thanks! I'll be alright!" The sister grabbed the camera and demanded that I get a picture!

As I was walking away Lysa said, I'll let Nester know that she has a fan in Texas! To which I replied, Ok thanks!!

I mean, are you getting this?

When I got back to my seat I was like OH EM GEE.... you big idiot! Nothing like meeting Lysa Terkeurst face to face and saying - Hi, Lysa! You aren't crap, but do you know the Nester? And then to deny wanting a picture with her on top of the fact that I was the only one out of the three that didn't buy a book... which was obvious since I had nothing for her to sign.

I felt completely silly. Way to go, Meg!

When I got home I hopped on her blog and left a comment from the goof-ball at feminar in Texas. I let her know that I completely didn't mean to talk about someone ELSE when I was meeting her for the first time. Gosh.... leave it to me!

Even though I felt slightly insecure and silly, I did let it go and take in a lot of goodness from the weekend.

Check back later for some quotes and notes from Feminar!

An Opportunity to Trust

2011-02-24T20:16:00.003-06:00

If you've watched the news or been online or simply been alive I'm sure you have heard all about the protesting of teachers... all that jazz. Not reeeeeally sure where we are headed.

I won't pretend to understand or act like I could even explain to you what is going on. And I definitely don't have all the whys.

All I know is they are making all kinds of cuts due to a lack of funds.

We had our district wide meeting last Thursday so that our superintendent could fill us in on all the possible avenues that could be taken.

There aren't any definites yet. obviously.

Any teacher that has been teaching for three years or less is considered a probationary teacher. That's one of the possible cuts.

As I was leaving the meeting I decided to turn to the only One that was able to provide comfort and peace.

"You are still the same."

There is a lot of talk about what could possibly happen and many new teachers on my campus have stopped by my room to ask if I am worried about my job next year.

My response has been the same everytime: No, honestly, i'm not. And you shouldn't either. There is no point in worrying. If you truly believe that God is in control then that would include even this situation. That doesn't mean I know that I will have a job next year. I'm just choosing to rest in Him. He is good. And He will be the same no matter what happens.

The topic hasn't really even crossed my mind since we left the meeting. And it really doesn't unless the other teachers on campus bring it up. And worrying hasn't really been an option (which might shock some of you). Today has been the only day that i've really thought deep about it. You know the what ifs. But if is just an abbreviation for - I Fear.

It's easy to lay things down that are completely out of your control. Especially when they are still a few months away. But I'm going to take this opportunity to grow closer to my Lord.... to allow my faith to increase.

He has been with me throughout this entire journey and I know it's where I'm suppose to be right now.

So I choose to rest. in the name of Jesus.

And on that same note, tomorrow is my last observation from my Region 7 Supervisor! Crazy that it's finally here. And to think that I almost didn't start this journey because of this one thing - being observed.

Can we say insecure?

I didn't like the idea of someone watching me lead. There was no way. But God is good... and He is always up to more than we think or are aware of.

So I choose to trust. even in this situation.

He is good.

I worship You, Jesus. I know that it's easy to get lost in all the negativity that is going on in the education field and that living a life that is set apart can often fall down a few notches on our to do list.... but I desire to be set apart for You. Lead me and keep me aware of my actions, words, and everything else so that others may see You. Even in these hard times right now. I want You, Jesus. When our heart is following hard after You, it just pours over onto others. You are good. Praise Your name....

Undeserving

2011-02-19T16:50:00.005-06:00

I know that no one has probably been missing me or even worried about where I have been lately, but just incase one of you is.... things have been a little rough, crazy, all of the above in just about every area of my life here lately.

The break from Blogger wasn't intended, but not gonna lie, much needed.

In regards to...

my health - I'm on my fourth round of antibiotics (over the past month) and frankly, i'm ready to be better again.

my (calling) job - I feel as though i'm drowning currently.... my brain hit its two month shut down mode this past week and the tears broke through. Soooo very thankful that I know this is where God wants me or else I might join all the others who are looking for other careers. I love what I do, but that doesn't mean I agree or like where education is headed. That's another post - i'll spare you.

my spirit - well..... just pray.

Friday night Kayla and I had a girls night in. We rode the ranger down the street to the general store to order some pizza as well as get some drinks and ice cream-ish dessert. After we finished our supper at Kayla's Traila, we filled in our calendars and made some decisions as far as races that we would like to conquer in the near future.

We decided to space out some races to keep us motivated and moving. Starting with a 5k in March, 10k in May and then we still have to finalize when the half marathon will be. I'm so so so so very excited!

We ordered a movie and enjoyed just being lazy!!! (and I did not grade a single paper.... okay, so I did)

Saturday China and I spent about four hours in my classroom trying to break through the surface of the water that I was clearly drowning in. China was past ready to go home so we took a little break for fresh air outside - the weather was so nice!

Finally, we headed back home and I was pleasently surprised to find that my bedroom was not only spotless, but had been freshly vacuumed. Tears filled up my eyes as I recalled how utterly disgusting, embaressing and horrible the previous state of my bedroom was. It was a serious moment of overwhelming thankfulness.

undeserved.

And to think, I just sat with her in the kitchen and chatted for a few minutes and she didn't mention anything. There was no guilt pushed on me for how terrible it was. And no ounce of her seeking praise. Zero mention.

There were mounds and mounds of clothes that I just kept stepping over and stepping on. I had run out of options as far as outfits to wear to work (and that's says a lot because this chick has got some clothes). I desperately needed to do laundry.

I'm sure my mother had far better things to do on a Saturday - especially with the beautiful weather. But she took the time to do something for me knowing she may not get anything in return.

As I stood in my bathroom and thanked the Lord outloud I thought of how this looked a lot like His mercy and grace. Something we totally don't deserve yet He lavishes upon us knowing that He may not get anything in return.

Unmerited. Undeserved.

I don't think anyone will realize how very thankful I am that my mother took the time to clean my bedroom. It had reached a peek - so high a peek that I wasn't sure when I would find the time or motivation to conquer it. And goodness knows, I haven't helped her enough to deserve what she did for me.

Thank You, Jesus for the thoughtfulness and selfless love of my mother. Even with the many things going on in my life I didn't deserve for someone to take the time to clean my mess for me. I am blessed. And You are good!

Love Out Loud

2011-02-10T22:23:00.005-06:00

By the time most of you are reading this Kayla and I will be spending hours upon hours with 14 and 15 year old girls... who have crushes and worry about what to wear and if their hair looks okay and who their bff is.

Oh wait... that's Kayla and I.

Just kidding.

It's been a while since I've been 14 or 15 so they may not even care what they wear or what their hair looks like at that age. But i'm sure they do want a bff and they quite possibly have a crush. or two. or three.

No, really.

This weekend we get the privilege to be the hands and feet of Jesus as we love some girls by spending time with them at D-Now. We are really excited and know that it's not a coincidence that we are here doing this with these specific girls.

The topic is one of my favorites (you've heard me speak on it many times over the past year and a half) - love. More specifically what real love is... and then, how to live in that love. out loud.

If you happen to read this before the weekend actually begins or at any point during the weekend, say a little prayer for us.... not just Kay and I, but the girls in our group. We know that we as human beings don't have much to offer, but we do have Christ in us and the testimony's that He has given us to share.

Since we will be spending a lot of time discussing love this weekend, I tried to think of different ways to start each of our sessions. For the "attention-getter" for our first session I got my little first graders (six to seven year olds) to write on the prompt - What is love?

Here are their innocent thoughts that are clearly shaped by their environment.

Love is good thangs. Love is deep in your heart. Everyone in heaven is in your heart.

Love is how you feel about a person. If you love a person you will not cheat on them.

Love is like holding hands. Love is when you are leaning on someone. When someone likes you.

Love is when you like someone so much you would do anything for them.

It means you love them with all your heart. And it means you care.

My neighbor is love to me.

Love is getting married and having kids. Love is taking care of each other. Love is living with each other.

Love means helping, family, and friends.

Love is a double heart. (alrighty?)

When you don't hate anybody.

Love is neighbor, family, friends, helping people, relationships, and getting married.

Lord, be with Kayla and I as we go into this weekend. We as mere humans don't have much to offer, but we open our mouths and ask that You fill them with the specific words that You want each of these girls to hear. I ask that they might know possibly for the first time just how deep and true and constant Your love is for them. Be our confidence as we carry out the sessions and just exactly what activities we should do. We trust that You are in control of this whole weekend and that nothing will be a surprise to You. We are expecting to receive quite possibly more than we give over these next few days! We love You and are so thankful for You! In the specific name of Jesus Christ.

Where You At?

2011-02-08T21:36:00.004-06:00

There's not a lot going on here lately. And by here I don't just mean my blog. When I look down my sidebar to see if anyone has posted it's been about 3-4 days for everybody. What's the deal?

This morning was interesting...

I woke up at 5:30 with a horrible head-ache, but I'm taking some prescription medicine right now and I was too scared to mix any other meds with it without asking my mom first. Therefore, I crawled back in bed with my throbbing head and tried to go back to sleep for another hour.

At 6:40 I got an okay from the madre to pop some pain relievers.

I grabbed a little bag of cookies to eat to get some food in my system, swallowed my pills with some water and then headed up the stairs to finish getting ready for work.

My make-up was a joke. I started to put it on and then after the first two steps I just layed down on the floor.

I decided i'd go ahead and get dressed and run start my car so that (one) it could be heating up and (two) my window would unfreeze. Then, I sat in the living room in the dark until the last possible minute.

Pretty sure I was driving slow all the way to work because every bump or turn felt like I was about to throw up.

When I got out of the car I was ready to strip off my jacket - the cold felt soooooo good.

I walked straight in and told my principal that I just did not think I was going to make it through the day. And..... my shades were still on.

After an hour of being the zombie teacher and scrambling to get sub plans ready, I came home and crawled back in my bed. And I didn't get up until two o' clock this afternoon.

Head-ache was still there to greet me.

And it is still here currently, but my shades are off and there is no vomit. And it definitely helps if I just squeeze my entire head. You think people would find me strange if I walked around like that?

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a different story! (Glad you could join me!! Maybe this is why no one is blogging... or reading this week!)

share-able

2011-02-04T11:13:00.003-06:00

Snow day, Snow day, Snow day!

This cold weather is so not my style, but believe it or not, I prayed for weather that would close the schools today. We won't get into the why's but Sommmmmebody heard my praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayers!! (please sing that)

Okay, all silliness aside.

I sat down at my computer to check a few blogs as I waited for friends to get here to play in the snow... and I found this post. It made me cry and pray and even in the tiniest amount - dare to believe. Even if for a second.

And so I wanted to share the link with you guys.

Because if you are 23 (like me) and every single one of your friends is engaged, married, and even pregnant with their first child.... there are days when you wake up in a sappy mood.

You have heard me say it on here before and I do believe it and mean it - His timing is what I want and I do trust Him. But that doesn't mean there aren't days when my heart (and mind) are tempted to curl up and hurt.

And while i've learned to defeat that voice that says i'm not worthy enough or won't ever find love or will always have issues, there are still days when it is hard. I just think of it as learning to defeat the voice of impossible and choosing to have faith. Every struggle is worth something.

Wednesday night a woman sitting next to me in choir made a comment similar to - Meg, you gotta stop shuttin off or you gonna be an old granny one of these days.

And while I do trust the Lord and have made huge leaps when it comes to relationships (whether it be friendships or stepping out to go on a date) there are major fears when I think of dating. This week I had an interesting situation that brought up those feelings of what it was like to go through a "break up" and I thought ughhhhhhhhhhhh I don't miss dating.

So this post - Waiting For Lightning to Strike Twice; Risking it For Love spoke volumes to my terrified little heart.

And I just found it share-able. So enjoy!

Getting Ready Period

2011-02-01T21:38:00.005-06:00

I have had that hardest time signing into my blog the past few weeks. Our email through the school is now through g mail which is also Google... so that means I have two accounts with Google; my blogger account and my school account. When I check my school mail at home it logs me in with that account and then never wants to log me out. So every time I type in blogger.com it automatically goes to my email and thus, I grunt. out. loud.

Really and truly it's alright because I haven't really had much to say here lately. Ever have those seasons? And let me just say, you don't really want or need to hear my posts during those times because they will not be beneficial and often times will be self-centered. Pity Pity.

There was a little more determination to find a way to log out and log back in with my blogger account tonight because I just felt the need to unload. And so here I sit.... innnnnn my blogger account. Hip Hip Hooray!

I don't really know how many people actually read my blog and really the number is irrelevant, but for those of you who have kept up on a pretty consistent basis you may remember this post - choosing to trust and persevere.

Just a brief little summary of that post.... I was in the middle of getting my alternative certification, which is a process that takes a few months (or for me, two years) and I felt something on my heart. I remember going through all the possibilities 'oh maybe i'm creating this voice' 'oh maybe this is nothing' - but there is one thing for sure, it was so strong and it spoke to me in that season.

I remember sitting at work as tears filled up in my eyes thinking - you know, I don't have that 'piece of paper' that even says i'm done yet, but if You are calling me somewhere else I don't care how silly it'll look to quit right smack dab in the middle of this process. I'm on board with your plans for my life.

And I really was.

But there were no doors and I wasn't even sure what He was doing with/to my heart.

If you read that post you'll see a quote that I found a few months later one night as I was reading. It was still on my mind and I was battling beginning my first teaching job with my heart feeling like all this other stuff was just "going on" inside. In those months I learned to beg God for passion in the NOW and to trust and rest in the fact that He will deliver it in His name.

Tonight I went back to that quote -

Even in this seemingly unimportant time of pruning and trials, God is preparing me for the next step. This "getting ready period" is not a waste of time. It is an important part of fulfilling my calling. Though I can't see much fruit, God is getting my branches ready and healthy enough to hold all He knows is coming.

As I read back over it I thought about all the Lord has done through this job.... and since this is my journal, my place to share my journey, I want to document the things I am currently feeling in this "getting ready period" as God is getting my branches ready and healthy enough to hold all He knows is coming.

Through teaching God has prepared me to stand up in front of a crowd and speak.

Through teaching God has shown me what it is to have confidence (in His name).

Through teaching walls of acceptance have slowly been broken down.

Through teaching God has revealed to me that I have a purpose and that He will equip me where-ever He calls me (no matter the amount of experience or training).... never did I think I was capable to lead a group of students.

Through teaching God has taught me peace. and rest. and trust.

Through teaching God has taught me what it means to get on my face and trust Him for passion and abundance everyday.

Through teaching God has prepared me for motherhood.

Through teaching God has taught me to love.... even the most hardest person. compassion.

Through teaching God has increased my faith.

And so I stand (okay i'm sitting) here overwhelmed tonight.... I still don't know if He has some kind of plans for me to be a speaker someday or to lead worship with a group of women or simply to be a mother... and the good thing is, I don't have to figure it all out or worry about it. But I know that this season of my life is often what keeps me going when i'm in the midst of a valley. It's the one thing that I cling to when everything else makes me want to doubt.

And so I just wonder for you... Is there a season of your life that stands out more than others? Is there a season or situation in your life that you cling to in the midst of struggle? Is there a season of your life that seemed like the Lord packed so much growth and change into that you will not forget? Is there a period where You can see now that He was getting your branches ready and healthy to hold all He knew was coming?

Thank You, Jesus, for that season of my life. I don't think I could ever express to anyone all the many things I learned and felt and experienced during that time. I felt like I could conquer the world and so many needy little pieces of me fell away. It is truly the place that my mind goes to many times when I want to give up. And so I thank You for working out my steps when I really had no clue that You were doing so. You are the only person that knows what is going to happen in the future and because of who You are I can rest that You have everything under control even when it may not seem or feel like it. I ask for a heart full of You.... I ask for a genuine heart that isn't afraid to share her story, but is so certain of all that God has done in her life that she just overflows with encouragement as she shares her life. And that sentence felt like it was packed full of all kinds of grammatical errors, but you got me.... thank You for all that You are teaching me. Thank You for peace when it comes to teaching. I know that this is where I am supposed to be and I love it... even on the hard days. May You receive glory... I love You and I want You, Jesus Christ.

Channeling my Inner Drummer

2011-01-28T21:47:00.003-06:00

I found this video on youtube the other day and watched it about 50 times because I thought it was sooooo cool and fun and yes!! If you haven't clicked the link and watched the video it's of two girls who do this rhythmic routine with a cup and sing at the same time. Very neat!

My friend Cody challenged me to find a song to sing and do the cups at the same time. Alrighty, buddy.... deal!!!

My attempt at the challenge is no where near as entertaining as Lulu and the Lampshades video was, but this girl doesn't let a challenge pass her by.

There are a few disclaimers before you watch this video.

First - my family laughed and loved it, but for some reason they left me hanging when it was video time. Excuse me for dropping an octave to sing the verses.

Second - Ignore the fact that I totally can't make eye contact with a video camera and that I needed to lay in a tanning bed four months ago.

Third - Have you ever noticed how I look like I have a piece of candy stuck in my left cheek at all times?

Fourth - I secretly want to be a drummer.

Fifth - Say hi to mister snowman who is still hanging on the wall. I told you we linger a little longer in seasons in this household.

Hope this makes you laugh!!! :)

(How many of you learned the cup routine at youth camp? fun times!)

Linky Love

2011-01-25T18:51:00.002-06:00

I don't have much to say today... other than Emily is writing about Art on her blog! Not the 'grab a paintbrush and canvas' type of art.... click on over to see what she is saying. You will be blessed!

Karen Peck and New River

2011-01-22T14:38:00.027-06:00

Here is a follow-up to the concert Friday night!

It was so much fun!

We got a phone call around 5 saying that it was time for our sound-check. Casie's hair was about 1/3 of the way through, but being the trooper she is, she packed up mid-hair and we headed out the door.

She was way pumped when we walked into the auditorium to find Karen Peck standing RIGHT there. Oh JOY - I get to meet her just like this. Karen said, "Hey Girls!!! I see it's time to do some hair!" It was at that point that I knew I was going to love her and that it was going to be a fun night!

Here we are about two hours later standing around back-stage chatting and waiting for the concert to start. All of a sudden we hear, "Please welcome Brad and Bart Howlett!" And Bart had a momentary freak out because Brad was no where to be found back-stage.

The Howlett's and Karen Peck

Did I mention that it was like a freezer back there? Seriously, mom ran up to the church to get a heater, and the girls (including way fun Karen) crowded around it like a bunch of loonies! I changed my shirt because I was sooo cold.

Waiting to sing!!!

Post - Hair Picture!! :)

Check out that color-coordination friends!! You know she's a fun girl when she says - please tag me on facebook in these pictures!

Karen and Mom

The Kilgore Family

(remind me why we didn't get a family picture with Karen?)

I only had one lyrical slip up (Jes-dus) and thanks to sweet friends, we got it on video! I was going to put the video on here for you to view, but I couldn't get it to upload. Have no fear because I found this video on YouTube that someone mysteriously uploaded. Gasp Gasp Gasp. Oh dear gracious. Not sure who authorized that. Jesdus is on the second song during my solo. Wait. For. It. And laugh with me!! :)

Keepin' it real!!

My thoughts after watching that video - Mom was rockin' the stage presence!! The rest of us need to up our game. I knew I should have clipped my bangs back. And I totally almost fell over at one point.. good thing they were only getting from the waist up at that moment.

Karen Peck and New River, The Howlett Brothers, The Kilgore Family

It was such a fun evening! Karen is such a normal, genuine, personable individual. I love when you go to a concert and know it's not about the performer. It was truly evident that they knew their purpose. Oh and she has the most country accent ever!

I think one of our favorite parts of the evening was just sitting back stage and hanging out! Oh, and since you know this is "let's, quick, find Megan a husband year..." Karen tried to hook me up with Jeff, the singer in her group. Her and every other female at the concert. No joke - I got texts and comments from so many women - Megan, it's destiny. baha. I'm such an awkward person. We talked school (lame?)- he used to be an English teacher. I'll let you know how that one works out! ha.

2011-01-21T16:21:00.002-06:00

My mother bought Casie and I one of those small flip books for Christmas. It has a thought, quote, or scripture for each day of the year. I placed mine next to the sink. Not only did it match the colors of our bathroom, but it would actually get some attention right there on the counter!

Here were the thoughts the past three days:

Wednesday, January 19 - Hold fast your dreams! Within your heart keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go and sheltered so, may thrive and grow. (Louise Driscoll)

Thursday, January 20 - Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. (Francis of Assisi)

Friday, January 21 - Live to shed joy on others. Thus best shall your own happiness be secured. (Henry Ward Beecher)

With this evening already here and the excitement and anticipation ready to bust out of me I couldn't help but dwell on the thought for Wednesday. Hold fast your dreams! So many people are afraid to dream... because what if it doesn't come true?

To me dreaming ties into believing!

And i'm here to tell you sister, that He is a God that delights to fulfill dreams! Hold fast to the desires He puts in your heart! Take that passionate place where you dream and use your instrument to shed some joy on others.

Too Close For Comfort

2011-01-18T19:53:00.004-06:00

Well, it's been a pretty crazy week and it's only just begun!

Monday was a holiday - thanks to Martin Luther King. Instead of sleeping in on our wonderful day off, we got up early and had a 30 minute radio interview. It was pretty neat! They asked the basic questions:

How did you get started?

Who all is in your group?

Where did you go to school?

What do you each do now?

You know, those sorts of things!

I told the radio broadcaster dude, whatever his real title is, that I was only there for moral support and to take some pictures. The stinker asked me some questions anyways.

The sister wasn't able to go because etbu never takes a holiday...literally... thus, she had class. She listened to it on the radio and was happy to tell me that I sounded like I just rolled out of bed. Thanks for the support.

Later that day I went to the doctor to get some help with this sore throat, runny nose, blah blah blah that I had going on for about three days. I got a wonderful shot and a double dose of medication to hopefully push me through to Friday.

Dad went to said doctor the following day to get the same shot and a single dose of the same medicine. Joy. To. The. World.

We tried to pull it together to run through our songs once tonight.

How pitiful do we look? haha. Notice the sister and I are both wrapped in a throw. Story of our lives.

It is now 8:15 and I was ready for bed half an hour ago. How incredibly lame.

Peace and Blessings!! Have a wonderful day!!

unfinished

2011-01-13T22:16:00.008-06:00

****In case you didn't watch it yourself or haven't heard - Alyse Eady, Miss Arkansas (from OBU), got 1st Runner Up to Miss America!!! Yay!! Go Alyse! So excited!****

I got in the mood to try a new look here on the blog.

Don't have it exactly like I want it just yet, but it'll have to do for tonight. Bed. time.

Before I go, make sure you watch the Miss America Pageant tomorrow evening! Miss Arkansas, Alyse Eady, is from OBU!!

She seems like an all around good girl who is very confident in who she is! She just has this soft courage about her! From the outside looking in her heart seems extremely genuine (and she is absolutely gorgeous)! I'm definitely pulling for her!

Peace and Blessings!!!

Nerdy Teacher Alert

2011-01-11T17:47:00.003-06:00

A parent caught me completely off guard when he knocked on my door just minutes after our day began. I wasn't sure that I recognized their face so I very sheepishly opened the door and asked what he needed.

It was a father that i'd talked to many times over the phone, but had only seen in person once.

The first thing that came out of his mouth was, "I wanted to come let you know personally, that i'm withdrawing him. And to thank you so very much for all that you've done."

You? You are what? Checking who out?

I was completely lost as to what was going on and who we were even talking about. I leaned over and looked at the name on the progress report that he was holding in his hand and tears began to well-up in my eyes.

The child who was throwing fits in my classroom at the beginning of the year and hasn't in months.... the child who used to put pencils in-between his fingers and pretend he was some kind of super hero while zooming around my room.... the child with the big blue innocent eyes that has made more progress as far as behavior than any other child in my class... the one that has the biggest place in my heart.... You are taking him?

I know he saw the tears. And I don't even really remember what came out of my mouth because it was all happening so fast, but you best believe we had a share time at the end of the day where we all told him bye, exchanged hugs, and even shed a few tears.

As we were walking out the door we did one last cheer for how far he has come in regards to his behavior. To the tune of staying alive - Ah ah ah ah You did a good job, You did a good job! Ah ah ah ah you did a good job, you did a good job!

I'm going to miss that kid....

And once again, this is why I teach.

New Kid On The Block

2011-01-10T22:08:00.005-06:00

I'm trying to embrace family time, so I endured the Auburn vs. Oregon game tonight.

Okay... the madre gave me evil eyes when I tried to leave the room to go watch the Bachelor. Since "cute and obedient" is the way I like to do things, I sat my little hiney right back down.

If you know me at all, you know i'm not a sports fan. But since I was forced to watch the game I decided I must have a vote in who was going to win. Here were my thoughts....

Oregon's colors remind me of Baylor's yummy colors. They had my vote until they showed up with that bright yellow neon flourescent attire. Auburn is a cute name.... Goooooooo Auburn!

I don't even know who won. They might even still be playing. See, told you i'm not a sports person... I didn't last long, but that's because something more exciting was going on!!!

My friend Kayla has just decided to join the blogworld!!!! Yaaaaaaayyy!! I call her my high maintennance friend because she is wayyyy fun and talks just as dramatically as I do! She wrote her first entry tonight and I think you'll enjoy reading her thoughts!

Kayla, i'm so glad you joined bloggerville and I can't wait to read what the Lord has been teaching you! Love you sooooo much friend!!

Family Fun

2011-01-09T20:56:00.004-06:00

Singing with your family can sometimes be a tough task. It's like having a part-time job with the people you live with and see on a regular basis. But it's also a wonderful blessing and time of bonding.

We are doing a lot of rehearsing here the past few weeks to get ready for the Karen Peck and New River concert!

Behind the walls and comfort of our own home we can be quite the goofy little group! I just wanted to share with you all some of my favorite moments with my family!

There have been hand motions selected to help the madre remember her words - they might be detrimental to the memorization of my own solo, but we'll worry about that later. The padre has also put on his house slippers to make up dance moves. Favorite part,the moon walk. Or should i say... attempt.

These people truly make me laugh. I love them.

We are still so very excited about this opportunity to sing together as a family in a little different setting, but more than anything I pray that it be a testimony that He desires to do abundantly more for your life. He cares about the deepest desires of your heart and even all the small details.

Can't wait to enjoy those fun moments with my family! They are some so very fun people! :)

Thank you, Jesus, for my family! Thank you for allowing us to be together in this house and for the many moments that we have spent together - the good, the bad, the ugly and the funny! We say thank You again for the opportunity to use the special gift You have given us and we pray that it will truly be a testimony of Your generous love and desire of a FULL life for Your children.

Family Fotos

2011-01-06T19:49:00.005-06:00

The Kilgore Family 2011

We took some very un-professional family pictures today for an event that is coming up soon. Dad and Casie met mom and I at work during my lunch break to quickly snap a few shots that each of us would "approve" of.

The brick wall isn't my fave, but it shall do. There isn't much you can work with at an elementary school.

Totally can't decide how I feel about the matte look.

Plain.

The beautiful sister-friend.

Preferably, I think this one is adorable. When I see it I think... aww they are so happy and fun! And dad totally looks like he is mocking us. You might too if you were a boy who lived with three girls all by yourself.

My New Year

2011-01-03T00:14:00.004-06:00

Tell me why I thought today was August?

Because my "year" starts in August and ends in May. That's why.

A friend and I are planning to start running again and she mentioned our goal can be a 5k - she for sure knows of one in May. My comment to her was man oh man that's a loooong time away, like a year.

poor. poor. me.

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T18:50:00.006-06:00

While mom is wrapping up dinner I figured I would post how we have spent our first day in twenty eleven.

I slept in until half the day was over. Literally. It was like noon. Mom sent a text that said, Are you waking up today or tomorrow... 2011 is rolling along.

We sat in the living room and watched too much tv for my dad's liking. He's ADD. No really, he finally made a list and went to the store.

As I was walking up the stairs to finally "get dressed" (which consisted of putting on nice looking sweat pants and a different shirt than the one I wore the previous day) it was as if my mother was speaking truth over me.

We will keep the house tidy.

We will hang our jackets.

We will keep the hair picked up off the bathroom floor.

We will keep the clothes off our bedroom floor.

So far - that plan of praying it over us is working well. And my bed is made yet again. Check with me tomorrow.

Around 5:30 (it felt like noon) some friends came over for a few hours and we danced until we started to sweat and stink. Then we rocked a little - rock band style.

And now it is time for our New Years Dinner - which is always delicious!

Hope your day was full of rest and random fun-ness as well! Happy one one one one!

I Got A Feelin'...

2011-01-01T01:09:00.010-06:00

... that this year's gonna be a good year!!

Scroll down and turn off the music!

Enjoy this song as you look at the photos!

It goes much better!

Happy New Year from our friends and family to yours!!!

The Year of Believing

2010-12-31T15:56:00.002-06:00

I lived so much of my life knowing things about God.

He is the healer. He is peace. He is all-powerful. He is comfort. He is joy. He is love.

The phrase "this year was just different" has come out of my mouth more than people probably want to hear.

Why was it different?

Because I didn't just know things about God..... I believed Him.

And now I don't want to forget that different.

This year was the year of believing. I believed that He could use any and every part of my life (flat out rebellious mistakes and all). I believed that He could lift the fear of relationships/marriage and even fulfill every desire that I may have in a husband (even specifics). I believed that when I said the name of Jesus in the midst of anxiety and fear that His powerful name could give peace to my mind, soul, and heart. I believed that I did not have to worry about anything.... even finding a job that I had little experience in and being successful at it. I believed that He loved me... unconditionally... no matter what I felt... I believed.

Lord Jesus, there were many moments this year that I can think back on and I felt so close to you and so strong and secure that nothing could shake me. How I long to never forget what that felt like and to never stop believing. You have told us that we will have hard times in this life and that it won't always be easy, but You also promise that You are with us and that in Your time You'll use all things for our good and Your glory. This week is one of those weeks where I wish I could flash back in time and rest in that place again, but I know that even in the hard times you are there. Will You be my portion today... my faith... my belief... Will you get me out of the way and do what You are wanting to do? Here's to increasing faith and living wide open in 2011. Have Your way... Jesus.

Organize - Jewelry

2010-12-30T23:28:00.004-06:00

Remember that series I started about organizing? Well, maybe I should start by organizing my thoughts first because helllllllooooo I'm super behind on posting. If you would like to read my first entry on how to organize your purse - click here. I didn't intend on doing this project in part of the organization series, but it fits right in. So here we go!

Start by gathering all your jewelry. I went through and took out every piece that I have not worn and will not wear. It's wise to sort all your pieces so that you can see how many frames you will need before you buy them. Or you can totally chance it (like me. guilty.) by buying frames on sale without a clue how many you need and just make it work! You need to think about the length of your necklaces and such to help determine the lay out of your frames for the wall.

There has to be an easier way for this next step, but this was all I could come up with. Don't judge me. It's the holidays and i'm soo not a crafty person.

Trace and cut the exact size of your frames onto paper. Like so.

And then tape them onto your wall in the exact layout that you had already determined.

Admire it from all angles. Okay, really, I just wanted you to see my new chair!!! Love her!

I'm horrible and forgot to get the next few steps in pictures, but I think you'll gather the ideas. I bought cork board (about 1/4 inch thick), fabric, and used my mothers Scentsy cardboard boxes (another lady used some foam stuff) to put into the frame to hold the jewelry. Measure each and cut. Make sure that you have extra hang over on your fabric just to be safe!

You'll hammer your nail directly into the paper on the wall to be sure that it's in the exact spot that you want it. You can rip the paper off after you get your nail in the wall. (learned that from another blog as well - can't take credit for that smart move)

Once you get your frames up - start adding jewelry!! If you left your lay-out of jewelry on the floor then you should have it up in no time. I used straight pins with the pearl tip!

I'm not sure that i'm crazy about that small picture on the wall. It distracts me. Mom says it looks like a big hole without it though.... It's currently on my floor :)

Does it look like a big hole of nothing? I'm actually okay with it gone. And now is when I tell you that I reeeeeeaally want to paint my walls a darker shade of creme (cream?) but I keep thinking it's a waste of time cause i'll move out eventually.

So there you have it! I think it turned out pretty darn cute!!!

No more wasting counter space. No more tangled jewelry in a tray. No more jewelry trees. And one more plus, it can be part of your decor!

And since we are onto new things.... I made my bed this morning! :)

Please applaud.

And ignore the burgundy pillows... my others are in the wash?

Praying and Believing, Specifically

2010-12-30T16:27:00.001-06:00

Rewind to November and the Women's retreat that I told you I attended.

I'm still camping out on that same session where she talked about abundantly more. You see a big key to living in abundance is believing it.

I can take the same circumstances of the past year... the real hard ones when I wanted to completely freak out and over-analyze and I can go back to old Meg... or I can believe that His hand is in the situation and that no matter what the facts look like He is in control and will work it out for my good, His glory.

The only way to abundance is with Jesus. Intimacy, trust, faith... in Jesus.

Remember how I told you she closed the session by asking us to think about that one person we wanted to marry or the one thing we wanted to do with our lives or the biggest dream we've ever had..... and to believe it.... abundantly more.

In order to believe some of those crazy wild things that you could never imagine, you have to increase your faith in Jesus. You have to believe that He not only cares about what you need, but what you want as well.

I do believe that He is a God of details and a God with a humongous heart to fulfill dreams for His children... for His glory. And if it doesn't pan out exactly the way you think it should, it will be abundantly more.

I came across an entry the other day where a family wrote down prayer requests on a legal pad. The mother challenged her children to not only write what they needed, but to write things they wanted as well. But not only to write what they wanted, but to get specific.

So I challenge you as you begin this New Year to get a piece of paper and write down needs and wants.... and to even get specific. And then let's just watch and see what He does... in His time, for His glory!

Resolving Resolutions

2010-12-29T00:35:00.000-06:00

Are you one of those people who makes resolutions?

I'm going to be flat out honest here and tell you that I dont. I dislike them. I guess my issue is that no one ever really keeps their new years resolution for the entire year, and hardly anyone is successful.

Just for a second, think about it.

Is your resolution this year the same as the one you made last year?

I would almost bet that it is. Because even though I don't make them the new year does give me a little push to start fresh and make some changes. The past year I was a runner... for half the year. Once summer rolled around and then I started my teaching job that was the one thing to get knocked off my schedule. I would love to pick that back up.

New year, same story.

Here is my beef.... I don't believe in diets or resolutions (or anything similar) because nothing lasts unless it's a lifestyle change.

I'm not saying that it's bad to desire something for yourself... change is good... especially a healthy change, but for me I can't stand momentary satisfaction and success.

Here is a little personal example! The amount of time I spend online disgusts me. Ever since I started teaching, that time has increased. I blame it on the fact that i'm completely worn out by the time that I get home from work and I just crash in front of my computer screen, but really there is no excuse. It's like it has over-time slowly evolved to take up more of my time. I feel like Paul when he said (paraphrase) - "I do what I do not want to do." It bothers me. I've felt convicted about it for a while because even though the Lord may be first on my to do list... my actions show that He is not in my heart. I know Him, and He cares about the heart, not routines. I want to fix this, but grounding myself from the internet for a month will not fix my problem. I know that what I need is a heart-change and a lifestyle change. Only He can provide that.... and my soul longs for that!

So as I approach the new year I'm taking all of those things about self that I want to change and i'm digging deeper. What is really my issue? Could there possibly be a connection to my relationship with the Lord? And do I trust the Lord to fill even that place in my life and bring a change that I never expected?

Lysa Terkeurst speaks on this same topic here. And she says it soooo much more eloquently than I do.

Party Ideas

2010-12-28T23:57:00.004-06:00

Are you planning on hosting a party for New Years?

Here are some ideas of games that we played last year at our New Years Eve Party! (all games found online)

First off, we have a little basket full of prizes that we give out to winners throughout the night. You may want to do that as well!

Guess Who? - Put the names of people who were "big" in 2010 on an index card. Examples, anyone who made the news and was very memorable, someone who won an amazing award, a famous person passing away, american idol winner, anything about some ONE that was widely known in the past year. When your guests arrive tape one index card on their back (making sure they do NOT see it). Everyone must ask yes or no questions to figure out who they are. First 3 people to guess correctly gets to pick a prize from the basket!

Charades - Cut up little strips up paper with events and movies that happened within the past year. Divide your guests into teams and have each group draw from the pile and act out theirevent/movie while everyone else tries to guess what it is.

These were two that we played last year that were really fun and everyone seemed to enjoy them as well! We are definitely going to try to do those again this year!

Some other ideas we found were having everyone put 2-3 new years resolutions in a basket and then reading them out loud and trying to guess which guest made which resolution. That one sounds fun to me, but I think there would need to be some explaining that these will be read out loud so that no one puts anything that would embarrass them on a strip of paper!

You could even make it more difficult by having each person only putting one resolution in and then selecting one person to be the "leader" of the game. The leader would read through each of the slips two times while everyone tries frantically to remember each one (without cheating by writing them down). With all the players sitting in a circle you would go around trying to guess which resolution is made by which person (goofy or serious). You only get one guess each time around. If someone guesses your resolution then you are out of the game and not allowed to speak. The object is to be the last person in the game... either guessing the most matches or having the most difficult resolution to remember. Near the end of the game you may want to read through the pile one more time just to refresh everyone's memory... unless you have a super good player who remembers everyone!

Laughter is my favorite part of New Years Eve!! These games are sure to create some of those for you! Hope your evening is filled with good times, many laughs, and the realization that His grace is sufficient to cover any regrets you may have about the last year! :)

(And speaking of grace.... this post, Grace is a gift, but you have to receive it, by Christin at incourage is simply wonderful! A must read!)

On Giving.... again

2010-12-23T23:35:00.007-06:00

I've been thinking about Christmas and the fact that it's Jesus' birthday... all the different views/traditions that people hold on that day. Some people choose not to give into the exchanging of gifts because it takes away from the real reason of the whole day. Some choose to imitate Christ by giving on Christmas. There are many different ways people celebrate this day.

Jesus - the Gift. and the Giver.

I find it slightly humorous that on Jesus' birthday we not only reflect on the best gift of all, but we receive gifts as well. We celebrate the life of Jesus and because of His life we are blessed. So like the Lord.... always giving instead of taking... serving... never wanting the light to be on self, but wanting to shine His light on others.

A few of us girls were going to take a shopping trip to a city nearby and stop to see a light show that a family holds at their house. They deck out the yard/house with over a million Christmas lights and synchronize it to music. I saw it a few years ago and wanted to show my mother and some other girl friends who haven't.

I sat down to look up the address so we would know where we were going and came across their webpage. I was greeted with the news that the light show was very dark this year.

Come to find out their five year old daughter, Laurel, was born with a rare disease and is spending not only Christmas, but the next three months in a hospital in Dallas so that she can go through chemo and get treatment.

Laurel is not allowed to have visitors, balloons, or plants, but she can receive cards... and she loves them. After reading all about their story and viewing their sweet pictures I found an address where you can send cards.

Laurel Good

c/o Children’s Medical Center

1935 Medical District Drive

D6- CCBD

Dallas, Texas 75235

Do you feel like giving today?

It'll not only be a gift to Laurel, but the Lord as well!
Imitate Christ today!
Shine His light!

Christmas Traditions

2010-12-23T00:15:00.003-06:00

When we were growing up we had traditions that we did every Christmas. I never really thought of them as traditions until I came across an article in a decorating magazine one our way home from Mississippi this past weekend. Sure enough we have the same routine to our Christmas every year. I'm interested in how you all do Christmas as well.

Ours is as follows:

On Christmas Eve we each get to pick one gift from underneath the tree and open it.... just to make us even more eager for Christmas morning. You can choose to wait until morning if you wish, but as children we were always curious to see what we may have gotten. I was the child who picked the small gift because I still wanted to be surprised on Christmas day! nerd.

Before we went to bed we would all sit down and read the true story of Christmas; The birth of Jesus Christ! My parents instilled that into us when we were very small... I can't even remember when that started... but I remember it would not be the same without reading that before bed. We made sure that dad read it to us.

We don't travel to see family on Christmas day... we keep it simple and small. As a matter of fact, we have never spent Christmas day any other place than in our home. We enjoy Christmas morning in our PJ's while watching the parade on tv. After we separate everyone's gifts into piles we all begin to open them as the same time.

Did I mention the madre always video-tapes the whole morning?

As nerdy as we may be, the sister and I clean our bedrooms while mom cooks a delicious Christmas lunch for us. We always have dressing... it's a must. Mom pulls out the fancy china for us to eat with and we sit in the formal dining room - it's just about the only time that we sit there throughout the whole year.

That's basically how Christmas goes at our household. Very comfy and relaxing.

How does your family do Christmas?

Do you travel on Christmas day?

Is it small and cozy or do you enjoy a big family get together?

I'd love to hear!

A Simple Approach

2010-12-20T20:01:00.009-06:00

Typically, I don't change my bathroom with each new season. This was a spur of the moment thrill more than anything.

Last year my mom bought these cute Christmas hand towels that matched my bathroom color scheme. She knows me well! I don't like to think of myself as a matchy matchy person, but I do like the idea of the decor of the season matching what you currently have going on.

The Nester is one of my favorite blogs to visit. She's all about decorating with what you currently have and this year she is all about simplicity. I guess you can say she got my wheels turning and that lead to the decor that is... my bathroom.

I love the random ornament. Stole that idea from Nester.

And of course, more ornaments on top of the towel rack!

I moved the pine cones from the dresser in my bedroom to the bathroom counter for a few weeks. It kinda adds like a cabin feel to it. Atleast, I think

so...

It is definitely simple... and definitely off-centered.... but I adore it!

Holiday Traditions

2010-12-20T16:31:00.007-06:00

Every year we spend the weekend before Christmas at my dad's parents house in Mississippi. His three siblings (whom, ironically, are all girls - preparation for his current living arrangements?) also live there. It's easier for us to make the long trek eastward than for all of them to pack up and come to Texas for the Kilgore Family Christmas.

Did you notice the blonde hair coming out of Papa Bill's hat? He is a 17 year old prankster at heart.

Three years ago the new growing families were pretty tight on money so we started playing "dirty santa".... only no gag gifts. If you brought a gift you could join in on the game, if not then there was no pressure. No one knows who brought what so there is no shame on how much you spend! :)

It's truly been a blessing because instead of everyone opening their gift at the same time, we sit down for at least 45 minutes altogether to play dirty Santa. There is more interaction among the family simply because of a little Christmas game. Part of the game is stealing previously opened gifts from those who went before you - once again, interaction!

We also take pictures of each of the families while we are altogether for Christmas.

The Pace Family - dad's oldest sister

The Cameron Family - the middle sister

The Cook/Kilgore Family - the youngest older sister

(with a sleeping baby)

The Kilgore Family - the youngest sibling of all :)

(this was Stacy's first Christmas in Mississippi... the newest member to the Kilgore Family)

And Papa Bill's brother, Uncle Alford, and his family

I love spending time with Samuel... my little cousin with the gift of spinal bifida. That boy is always on the move and nothing gets in his way. His smile and laughter reminds me that life is what you make of it!

What will you make of this holiday season?

Will you see your current circumstance as a weakness and handicap, or an opportunity to let His light shine through?

Will you accept His gift of fullness, abundance, and joy this Christmas?

Abundantly More

2010-12-15T22:42:00.007-06:00

The Lord took me on a journey last year where He strengthened my faith. I truly came to a place where I believed that He loved me... and that it never changed. And that whatever it may be that He is doing in my life, whether it feels painful or scary, it was for my good... and oddly enough, that brought peace to my mind, heart, and soul.

I began to live it out in my life for the first time.

Worry, Anxiety, Fear, Guilt... so many things that seemed to crowd my mind were removed in the name of Jesus. Yes, it was a daily thing, but I believed it... and my life was so different because of it.

It may not seem like a big deal for some of you to have a teaching job and stand up infront of people and lead, but that was a huge deal for me. That was an active step of faith for me and i'm so glad that I took it.

I believed that He could do abundantly more than I could ever ask or think when it came to this job... and He has.

In fact, that has kind of been my theme verse for months now.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine.... Ephesians 3:20

Sorry if you are so tired of hearing me talk about it, I just can't help it. I feel like i'm so passionate about that word - abundance - and how much joy that means for our lives simply because of a relationship with Him.

About a month ago I attended a women's conference and it was like she was speaking the same things that I have been learning over this past year. It hit so close to home and I found myself nodding my head at so many of the things she spoke about.

She hit on immeasurably more in one of her sessions at the conference. She closed by asking us to think about the one thing we would love to do in our lives... and not just to believe God for it, but to believe beyond beyond.

Immeasurably more.

I had been believing Him for months, but this just pressed me even further.

Later that night I asked my mother what she thought of when the speaker asked that question... and she said something along these lines... "I already have my dream... to sing with my family - that's always been my dream. Or to take it a step further, but I think i'm past the years of that ever happening."

She laughed when I told her she needed to go back and hear that sermon again.

Karen Peck and New River are coming to town January 21st... and our family has been asked to open for them! Immeasurably more! :)

We are beyond pumped!!!!!

Don't stop believing Him - He plants those desires in you in the first place! Trust His immeasurably more for your life!

Jesus, I am so thankful that a relationship with You is real.... I am so thankful that You showed me what it meant to taste and see that the Lord is good. I can't even express all of the things that You taught me last year because it's so hard to find the words sometimes. I do ask you now, as many times before, to let those Truths sink way down deep within my soul, to take root, and to never let the enemy try to diminish what You did in my life. I am thankful for abundantly more. I am amazed that You don't just stop with what we need, but that You desire to give us immeasurably more in accordance with Your power. You are good. Once again, have Your way with this blog... may those who read it believe You for who You are... and if no one reads it, then i'm satisfied with You meeting me here!!! May that never change. :)

Put Her In Park

2010-12-14T23:19:00.004-06:00

If you are sick of my teacher stories you might as well not even read this post :)

Every now and then I get stuck in teacher gear and can't seem to shut myself down.

There are many times that i've talked to my sister in Kinder terms; ooooo, those are not kind words coming out of your mouth.

The numerous times that my peers have said that I speak too "old". For example, appearently it is uncool to say... that is very kind! A more appropriate response from someone my age would be... aww, that is so sweet!

Well, my bad.

There is also that very distinct time that I spoke to my mother in a very firm tone as if she were one of my students. I very quickly reminded her that it was "Miss Kilgore" and not Megan. Do I have an off button?

Tonight we reached a peek.... I called the sister Baby. Baaaay...Beeeee...

Help. me.

She was asking if I could help her with one of her education assignments for school and I said, "I'm really busy right now... hang on a sec baby."

Do what?

Bah Humbug!

2010-12-13T21:57:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow is Polar Express Day at school. While i'm sure it's going to be total fun for the kids, I hate to admit that i'm not exactly waaayyyy pumped.

We are not only reading the book, but doing a ton of activities that go along with the Polar Express "train" theme. We will have a test over the story for comprehension and then, hot chocolate and a movie will end our day!

We have also been given permission to wear pajamas.

Here is the current conversation going on at facebook over my status -

Me: "Why am I not excited about pajama day at school?"

Guy: "Because you don't own any scooby doo jammies?"

Fellow Teacher: "Because the pajamas won't make the kids sleepy?"

Second Grade Teacher: "What? I looooooooved it. I'm sad I have to wear normal clothes tomorrow."

Church Friend: "We're having pajama day Thursday at the day school. Hands down my favorite day of the year!!!! Should've gone into the medical field so I could wear pj's all day everyday" :)

College Friend: "Because you're like me and you feel awkward wearing pajamas in public, even when you're supposed to. :) yes? No?"

Previous principal: "We had pajama day today! It was nice wearing pjs all day! Except when I remembered Trystan had gymnastics and I didn't have time to go home and change. Lol! Soooo - I went to gym fit - Rudolph slippers and all!!!!"

Me: "I am SO not a pajama girl. I don't think i'm high maintenance, but maybe I am for disliking pajama day. Just call me the grinch."

I'll let you know how this one goes down!

Oh and I...

2010-12-12T07:16:00.004-06:00

I will survive!

In case you are wondering what is on the agenda for this week...

Sunday: Christmas Musical at church in the AM, lunch with friends

Monday: Planning day at work - sub comes in at noon, rehearsal after work with the family

Tuesday: Reading Rat comes to the school to read to the First graders from 9:30 - 10:30

Wednesday: Fourth out of Six observations with my mentor in the morning (sub will be in my class for the second time this week), Faculty and Staff Christmas Party from 12:30 - 2:30 (certified parent will cover my class - will my kids learn ANY thing this day?), Singing with the family (plus Ricky) at Staff Party, Adult Choir Christmas Party in the evening

Thursday: Behavior incentive - kids will go to the movies in the AM, mom and I sing atMoore's Christmas Party, making sure everything is ready for our Class Christmas Party tomorrow

Friday: Testing, Partying, Early Release-ing, Traveling

We are going to be learning about Christmas around the world... you know, when we are actually IN the classroom.

I'm not ready for the semester to be over. Guess that's a good sign! :)

2010-12-11T23:15:00.001-06:00

We put up Christmas lights a few weeks ago... you know annual family tradition. Not my favorite day. This year we had no tall people to help us so we had to come up with our own system. Please.... enjoy!

Passing the torch.

The padre is way up there.

And please, give a round of applause to the brilliant mind who came up with this plan.

China says, "Really guys... who put my toy like that?"

Bless Their Hearts

2010-12-10T17:23:00.002-06:00

I had a "less is more" week in regards to my make up.

First reason - because that extra minute that it takes to put on my make-up was totally spent in my comfy bed. Second reason - because I can't find my mascara.

To end on a good note I decided to, indeed, put on some make-up this morning.

One of my students met me at the door this morning with a huge grin and i'm pretty sure a sigh of relief. With a giggle he hugged me and said, "Miss Kilgore, I see that you have make-up on."

And I digress.

On Giving

2010-12-08T20:39:00.004-06:00

The Lord makes us all aware of how blessed we are in different ways. You may have an interesting encounter with a homeless person. You may meet someone at the store that completely changes your view. Or you may work in a public school or some similar setting and your eyes be opened to the diversity in the families now days.

For me, it is clearly the last.

I am in charge of 18 children and on many occasions i'm allowed (or forced) to look into their lives and hear their story. Some days I cry... it's just simply too much. Once again, a good reminder of my purpose.

There are many things about my job that are not so fun, but it's what I do in response to some of those things that can potentially be a blessing.

One of the things we do around Christmas time at our school is buy gifts for families that are less fortunate. When the parents come to the school to pick up their bag full of surprises, completely unaware of why we've called them, it is such a blessing to see the joy in their smiles and the light in their eyes.

Things have drastically changed since I was a child... and can I just say that I was and am so blessed. And I would venture out to say that you are as well.

Is there some way that you could bless a person or family in need this Christmas? Why not involve the whole family and do it together?

It is so cliche, but true - it is better to give than receive.

After all, we are called to imitate Christ... He is not only the gift, but the giver as well. When you take your eyes off of self and give to others, you are doing just that - imitating Christ. What a wonderful way to be Jesus to a family in need.

Give.

The Good Fear

2010-12-01T22:11:00.003-06:00

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Proverbs 9:10

Do you remember that moment when it made sense to you?

I remember I was standing in the choir loft at church in the middle of Sunday morning worship and it hit me... He is so Holy! He is SO Holy! And I am so dirty. I am so unworthy. My lips don't even deserve to stand up here before Him... I am so unworthy and He, He is SO Holy!

I remember just standing there so aware of who I was. It was like it was brought into light. But I was not only aware of who I was... I was aware of who He was. And that He loved me in-spite of who I was.

I don't ever want to forget that moment. Because although I felt completely unworthy, It felt like worship.

And so it began... this fear of the Lord.

Not a 'i'm completely scared of You so i'm going to do everything you say' fear.

It was more of a 'i'm completely aware and in awe of who You are and what You are capable of in my life' fear.

It was a 'i'm completely aware of how much i need you' fear.

A 'You are good and know best and have my best intentions in mind' fear. And if I choose any other way, whether it be my way or something that someone else leads me to believe, I will be lost and broken and without hope and all things that come from a relationship with you.

In that place, was the beginning of wisdom for me.

And he said to man, "the fear of the Lord -- that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding." Job 28:28

Choosing what was hard even when I didn't understand, because I knew that He knew what He was doing. Choosing courage in Him because anything less is false. Choosing to believe that abundant life and joy were available everyday. Choosing to let go of friendships that I wanted to chase after because I knew that He knew best. Choosing to completely take His discipline because I knew that I needed it - not because He wanted to show me who was boss, but because He could cleanse my sin, He could take it, and He could change me for my good and His glory.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline. Proverbs 1:7

Choosing Him.

Purpose: Set Apart

2010-11-28T23:09:00.009-06:00

Last weekend we made a quick trip to Mississippi for my grandparents (dad's side) 60th wedding anniversary!

It's always fun to spend time at their house. Without the normal activities available at our finger tips, Casie and I are forced to find things to do. We enjoy chasing cows on the four wheeler, or you know just riding it in general, and sitting on the back porch and starring into space. No, really. Why is that so peaceful? We typically have books with us that we are reading and so we'll sit on the porch swing and enjoy the outdoors while reading.

We went to church with them on Sunday morning and the pastor preached a whole sermon on Romans 1:1. One verse.

Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel...

The part that I want to focus on for this post is the last part of the verse and the point he made there. Paul was a servant of Jesus. He was called. And he was set apart. for. the. gospel.

To put it in plainer terms - Paul's purpose in life, as a follower of Christ, was to be set apart.

Immediately I began to think about my job. Because even though i'm not traveling the world telling people about Jesus Christ, I am a servant of Jesus, I am called right now to be a teacher, and my life should be set apart for the gospel.

If you are a believer, then your purpose is the same. And your job, no matter what it may be, is the avenue in which the Lord wants to use you to reach those that you come in contact with.

But to take it farther and more personal for myself, I believe that satan wants to use our completely packed full to do lists, all the requirements and things that we are asked to do in our job, and all the overwhelming stress that comes with it to take our eyes away from our purpose.

I believe he wants us to be so busy with getting things done that we lose our focus.

(Pause... Have you ever heard the acrostic for busy? Bound Under Satans Yoke)

I know personally I have missed so many opportunities to simply love on some children... because i'm suppose to fit a certain amount of teaching time into my schedule and i'm telling you, it's nearly impossible. I get so focused on creating and planning and following through and documenting that I forget why He placed me there in the first place.

To be a light. To love.

It's not about making money. It's not about getting every thing done. It's not about being satisfied with yourself for accomplishing everything that you set out to do. It's not about fame. It's not anything to do with self. It's about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Are you busy? Have you lost focus? Maybe you (I) need to adjust your lense, your zoom, and turn your eyes back on Jesus to regain focus.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

In the light of Jesus, the weight of my to do list is lifted...

Thankful - Blogger

2010-11-24T23:29:00.005-06:00

Let's face it! Satan is a punk.

I was going to give that last statement an exclamation point, but it looked entirely too exciting and he doesn't deserve that. The enemy is anything but fun.

The first few days of my break he tried to fill my mind with thoughts of worthlessness and incapability when it comes to teaching. Thankfully I caught on quickly to his schemes. To let him ruin my week of rest and recooperation would be silly.

Yesterday and today he has tried to fill my mind with other doubts towards where I stand with Jesus.

It's as if satan has a checklist... Starting with where you are and then moving down to older struggles if the current one doesn't work.

I don't have scripture or anything to back that up, but I know that's how it seems in my own life. Amazingly i've caught on and learned to fight.

But i'm not always successful.

Tonight I was feeling extremely beaten, so I decided to look back through my blog posts for proof of Jesus in my life.

January is packed full. But it's neat to glance even further back just a month before.

And so i'm thankful... thankful for blogger; my online journal. For evidence of Him.

Thank you for technology and the ability to quickly type something and be able to look at it later. I needed to see proof tonight. Jesus, I don't even know where to begin when it comes to praying tonight. So i'll just say thank You and ask that you not only mentally prepare me for tomorrow, but in all other aspects as well... prepare my heart. I don't want to simply be thankful on Thanksgiving or in the month of November. Will You change my heart? Will You give me a thankful heart? A heart that embraces every moment and opportunity and realizes all that I am blessed with in this life. I need You. Sometimes I just want to go outside and scream - I need You, Jesus. I love You... even when I fail to show it.

Sharing Ideas

2010-11-20T18:47:00.002-06:00

Decorating is one of my favorite hobbies!! To make it even more enjoyable I love when you find something you already have and fix it up, or come up with some unique idea of displaying something.

I found this link and immediately thought of Katy, but instead of searching for her email address :) I figured it'd be easier to post on here. And now you all can enjoy it as well!!

Katy loves to make crafts with her kids and these crafty holiday garland ideas are definitely kid friendly! I might have to add these to my binder full of "things to remember when I have a family".

This post on Mason Jar Crafts also looks fun! I love nuetral colors!

Enjoy :)

Thankful - Truth

2010-11-19T21:02:00.006-06:00

Typically the last day of school before a break seems completely long.... l.o.o.o.o.o.n.g. Anticipation for what lies ahead begs for your attention and you find it difficult to live in the moment.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to this break. There are many things that I need to get done. Like clean my bedroom, car, bathroom, do laundry, and of course my to do list for my classroom is never ending.

Earlier this week I came across a blog post that reminded me to live in the now.

We get so caught up in the next season or stage or even holiday week that we let it take our eyes away from the many blessings that are current.

I sat here and remembered His truth...

abundance:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

I think many of us can so relate to the “get through” feeling that seems to overwhelm and consume us at times.

The enemy definitely wants to convince us that we aren't capable of JOY in all circumstances and that the abundant life isn’t for us, but the Lord tells us quite the opposite!

I don’t care if it’s one day before Thanksgiving break or one hour… He promises JOY in that moment (not happiness because believe me my children were loonies, but constant sustaining joy).

May we constantly choose to stop, pray and beg Him for eyes that realize ABUNDANCE and JOY are available to us TODAY, in THIS place, no matter our current mood, feelings, or anticipation for what may be next.

Believe Him for it…. fight the enemy when he puts any other thought in your mind.

Thankful - Sister

2010-11-15T20:13:00.005-06:00

Campin' is fun and all, but sometimes you have to make up your own games. This one is clearly not an original game (try to jump at JUST the right time so that the self-timer captures you IN the air... together. in the same photo.), but we had fun nonetheless. And yes, these are in the exact order in which they were taken!

We like to call this first one "Praise the Lord"!

Did anyone know Casie was all legs? me. neither.

The sister won the prize for highest jumper of the night.

And i'm glad that I finally decided that the phone was no longer a necessity. wow.

As you can see, I tend to stay on the ground.

I lied. There I am gettin' some air!

And now on our own...

It helps if you take your feet off the ground silly!

I am anticipating a head bang in this picture... like she is rockin' out to some serious music.

And finally, we have lift off!

Shorty got it on her first try! Go me!

Thank You Lord for my sister and the ability to be completely, completely transparent with her at all times with no fear of rejection, judgement, or being made fun of. I feel blessed to have her sweet spirit in my life. And I love her dearly.

Thankful - Friends

2010-11-14T14:51:00.004-06:00

Yesterday evening I met my best friend from college, Megan, at the Boardwalk to have dinner and hang out for a little bit.

Testin' out the self-timer...

We tried multiple times to get a picture that we both, equally, liked.

But despite the fact that neither of us were completely enthralled with any of these...

...we can agree on one thing:

We are thankful for a friendship truly sent from the Lord and uplifting to each of our lives. A friendship that lasts - no matter the circumstances of life.

I love you Meg!

(I would love you more if you got skype. ha. jokin'.)

Ah ha Moment

2010-11-11T20:04:00.008-06:00

This past weekend I went to a women's retreat and I want to share this tiny little phrase that stuck out to me while I was there. The speaker made the comment that God hates divorce.

I sat there with my ah ha and jotted down in my notes - God hates divorce, not the person.

Because how many times do we live in that place. That place where you're bound in chains because of the lies. And the distorted views.

I remember it so clear as if it were yesterday. My boyfriend, at the time, and I were riding in the car and I asked him, "do I just need to make a decision and then see how the Lord feels towards me.... whether or not He loves me according to the decision I made?"

How silly does that sound even now as I read it? Because I could have told you then that God is love. I'd heard it my entire life. Yet I lived with this distorted view that His love and feelings towards me were connected to what was happening in my life; whether a good situation or bad. There is something life-changing about experiencing and believing His love.

His love isn't based on my decisions.

The Lord loves you. He stands ready to bring you back to Him at any moment no matter how big the mess may look in your life. And at no point does He hate you.

He hates the sin and what it will do to you and those around you.

Take a moment to let the Truth of His love sink in. It never changes. And you don't for a second have to earn it back... it never left! Aren't we so encouraged to know that His feelings don't change at the drop of a hat. Stop thinking of His love in human terms. For once, take it for all that it is!!

Unconditional. Eternal.

I praise You and thank You for the freedom of Your love. It's so simple, but so life-changing. It doesn't matter how big my mess up may be or how small.... you stand ready to assure me that You still love me and that You are ready to change me if i'm willing. All the things that You have planned for me are for my good. How comforting to know! I pray for all who will read this and that if they haven't had that moment when the light came on and Your love made sense that you would allow that to happen for them. Embrace them with Your Truth. Set them free by the power of Your love. It tastes good....

Thankful - weakness

2010-11-04T21:43:00.003-05:00

As I was getting in the bed the other night I was fine one second and the next thing I know a horrible pain shot through my neck. I thought I was stuck with my chin to my left shoulder. for.ever.

After listening to my wise mother, who just so happens to be a nurse, I decided to go to the chiropractor for my very first appointment ever. The thought of being adjusted completely stressed me out. Trusting someone with my neck... my neck... that's an anxiety attack waiting to happen. that's what that is.

When he looked at my x-rays he pointed to some torn or messed up area in my neck and asked if I was in a car wreck at some point in my life.

If that's not encouraging then i'm not sure what else is.

To hear that at age 23 was a little less than fun.

His answer for my problem was clearly going to be a natural way back to healing. Three visits a week, electro-lite massages (which are so not relaxing), and physical therapy. And a very poor, poor Megan. That's my funds speaking.

My words were so joyful when I left.... this is perfect... perfect. It's already impossible to get everything done that is expected of me at work and that's without any thing else going on in my life, but now, oh noooooooww i'm suppose to find time to come to the doctor 3 times a week and on top of that do therapy and/or stretches at home 3 times a day. I'll be sure to squeeze that in, you know in between the documenting, lesson planning, grading...

Today as I was getting in my car after my appointment knowing that I left my room in complete chaos and had nothing planned for tomorrow, and headed to a wonderful night of worship and rehearsal, I just let the tears flow and confessed...

okay, i get it. i am not able. i am weak. help.

Life could not get more stressful or overwhelming. or so i thought. Yet here we are.

And I pause to say that life may be stressful and completely overwhelming, but my God is good. I would not still be functioning if it weren't for Him. I refuse to believe that any situation is to be endured without abundance or joy. The enemy will not rob me of a precious gift from Him. But I am not afraid to admit that it's challenging and very tough.

When I dried up my tears and got to rehearsal, with some precious women, I soon realized that each of our lives and weeks were very similar.

We are weak.

We committed to this weekend a few weeks back and you would think that the one time we need to be well and rested and strong would be this weekend. But here each of us are... extremely human and weak women preparing for a weekend to worship the Lord with a bunch of other women.... who I would guess are equally as weak.

So today I am thankful for the reminder that He only allows us to be weak so that His glory and strength may be REVEALED in us. And that He wouldn't allow it unless He was going to use it for our good.

Jesus, prepare us as we head into this weekend. May each of these women, including myself, come into this weekend real. Give us the courage to simply be real with ourselves and with each other... even if that may seem not normal or painful. We need real in our lives. I am thankful that You are real ALWAYS. Help us to take off our super woman capes and masks and just admit that it's only because of You and through You that we are able to do anything at all. Reveal yourself through and to us. Meet us in that moment and open our eyes to who You are.... You, in all your realness. Please Lord, prepare our hearts... prepare my heart. In the specific, powerful name of Jesus Christ.

Thankful - Music

2010-11-03T20:43:00.003-05:00

There is this event on facebook called 30 Days of Thankful where people only post things of that which they are thankful for thirty days on their status. It's a perfect way to gear up for Thanksgiving and it definitely changes the mood from negative daily updates to positive posts.

Since i'm choosing to go to bed early tonight I figured i'd keep it short by doing the same here on the blog as well.

Today I am thankful for music.

Not only is music a huge part of my families life and creates a bond that even we ourselves will probably never understand, but it connects us with the Lord as well.

I am quickly learning what it means to be busy. I had a third grade teacher stop me in the hall and say, "Megan, it is impossible to do all that they are asking of you.... you'll eventually learn what you can throw out. And you'll shut your door, do your thing, and it'll be okay."

silent scream

I just want to scream sometimes because i'm so overwhelmed, but at the same time I have my moments when I think praise the Lord because the Megan a year and a half ago would have never been able to endure this. God is good!

To say that i'm experiencing what it means to be pulled in every direction would be an under statement. I'm pretty sure i've said it before, but i'm finding it more and more harder to be still, rest, and sit quiet in His presence.

My days are spent moving quickly from this subject to the next and keeping my kids engaged by always moving things together at all times that everything about my life is becoming quick. It is sooo hard to sit down and spend time in His word because the rest of me has been geared towards moving quickly all day. I don't like it.

I am so thankful for music for this very reason. When my mind is going 90 to nothing and i'm not sure how to gather my thoughts to form words that utter some form of help to my God, I can typically find a song that says what i'm feeling so well. Or even if i'm not sure what to say or what i'm feeling.

It is not only comforting to know that my God knows my needs before they are even on my lips, but that we have powerful worshipful songs to sing to Him when we may not have words otherwise.

Thank You, Lord, for music.... and all the many ways it effects my life.

Story Book Parade

2010-10-29T22:21:00.002-05:00

Today was the story book parade at school. The students pick their favorite character from a book, dress up as the character and then parade around the school with the book in hand as the other grade levels and parents watch. It's always a hit and the students eat it up!

Some of my favorites in my class were two best friends who dressed up as The Tortoise and The Hare - they were real cute. And then the cutest girl pirate I have ever seen in my entire life. I'm going to have to ask her mother for permission to post a picture because you just have to see this!

The First Grade teachers were The Wizard of Oz. Somehow I pulled the short straw and got to wear the formal dress and be the good witch. I think it's more of, let's make the newby (totally not sure how to spell that) be the high maintenance dressed one. I only tripped on my dress 10 times trying to walk to my car this morning.

... never knew there was a such thing as a good witch nor did I know they wore crowns. This one refused to wear heels.

Tiger Tunes

2010-10-27T22:40:00.002-05:00

You'll want to scroll down to the bottom and pause the music player so that you can hear these videos. Since I don't have a lot of time to post tonight I figured i'd share some Tiger Tunes with you.

And if you aren't familiar with this wonderful event - it's where the different social clubs at OBU pick a theme, find clips from songs and change the words in order to fit their theme and then put on a big show in order to raise money for future students to be able to come to Ouachita.

It's a really big deal to OBU-ers!

Here is the EEE's show from 2009.... I love this one because it tells a story and flows! Amy and Bethany, who's blog are on my sidebar, are both in this show! Amy is a native and Bethany is the little girl with the speaking part.

And the percussion section from this past weekend. yum! I like a beat, what can I say!

Here is the Eta's show from 2010 - they won the "theme" category on Friday night when we were there.